Most Popular Pages—Last 30 Days

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1. Vol CLXXXVIII, No 3 (295 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CLXXXVIII, Number 3 Trey Jones, Editor-in-Chief; Keith Slater, Executive Editor; Mikael Thompson, Senior Editor; Jonathan Downie, Senior Editor, Pete Bleackley, Contributing Editor, Deak Kirkham, Contributing Editor; Associate Editors: Vincent Fish, Mark Mandel; Assistant Editors: Emily Davis, Yuval Wigderson; Editorial Associates: Luca Dinu, Joe McAvoy, Mary Shapiro, Reed Steiner; Joey Whitford, Comptroller General; It’s All Fun and Games Until a, Variationist Shows Up; October 2020 ... more ]

2. Germanic Day & The Celebration of Romance (197 visits)

Germanic Day & The Celebration of Romance . We are making something known to you: Germanic Day!. Speculative Grammarian is happy to tell the world about our new yearly holidayGermanic Day! What is Germanic Day? It is a day set aside to think about the Germanic roots that can still be found in English. It gives thanks for the lasting strength of Germanic words. Germanic Day happens on October 13. That was the last day before King Harold was struck down by the Norman gang led by William, and Germanic words at the heart of English began to wane. Before that, English was all Germanic; afterwards, French loanwords took over. What will we do on Germanic Day? ... more ]

3. Scots Wikipedia Exposed As FakeSpecGram Wire Services (126 visits)

Scots Wikipedia Exposed As Fake. SpecGram Wire Services. Wikipedia is in shock after it was revealed that the entire Scots edition was the work of one American teenager, who doesn’t speak Scots, and simply wrote 23,000 articles in badly-spelt English. Jonny Scotland, of the Wikimedia Foundation, said, “Och aye the nu! Hau cid a thing laik this a happined? Wikipedia’s meant tae bi self-korrectin, an aw. Why did naebidy ivver fix this? Hi’s meyd fools o the whole boilin o us. It’s aw a lot of auld gyper!” Scots-speaking Wikipedians were unavailable for comment, since apparently, there aren’t any. ... more ]

4. LinguimericksBook ७७ (103 visits)

Linguimericks, Book ७७. Phones Phones are quite concrete, you see. That’s why they’re neat as can be. Enclose them in brackets, Not those nasty slashes. Handy! Now, don’t you agree? —Henri Sucré A mark of sublime ingenuity Is producing both swiftly and fluidly Hilarious text, To the point and direct, Yet replete with divine ambiguities —Deedles D’Dee, There once was a linguist named Beavis, Whose syntactic practice was grievous, Having phrases packed tight With the complements right But headedness picked to deceive us —Pumptilian Perniquity, A man once wrote a copious tome, On the mighty tongue of ancient Rome. He veni’d and vidi’d And scoured t’ ... more ]

5. Letters to the Editor (CLXXXVIII.3) (100 visits)

Letters to the Editor. [Note: We recently “acquired” nearly a score of the mail sorting machines that have been decommissioned by the U.S. Postal Service this year, which allowed us to sort through a backlog of over a dozen lakh letters. As always, our bounty becomes your bounty —Eds. ] Dear Sirs and Mesdames, Regarding footnote 6 in your May editorial earlier this year, the official AΦA (American Φάρμακο- lɪŋɡwɪstɪks Association) guidance is that Xyntax has been deprecated as a sedative. Vowelium and Pronounzac have generally been considered to be safer and more effective. However, our newly released and substantially improved ... more ]

6. Cartoon Theories of LinguisticsPart EPhonetics vs. PhonologyHilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. (96 visits)

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part E—Phonetics vs. Phonology. Hilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. We will skip the introduction, as we have been there, done that. Once more into the breach! For this installment in our series on Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, we will turn our attention to Phonetics and Phonology and the difference between the two: Phonetics:, ... Phonology:, ... Thanks to Professor Phlogiston, of the Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn, for the opportunity of a lifetime, as a student, to, on this occasion, share with so many of my fellow linguisticians my views, as illustrated above, concerning matters, which are of such immeasurable import ... more ] Merch! Book!

7. Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics (88 visits)

Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics. by Trey Jones. As a service to our young and impressionable readers who are considering pursuing a career in linguistics, Speculative Grammarian is pleased to provide the following Gedankenexperiment to help you understand the possibilities and consequences of doing so. For our old and bitter readers who are too far along in their careers to have any real hope of changing the eventual outcome, we provide the following as a cruel reminder of what might have been. Let the adventure begin ... more ] Book!

8. Anglo-Saxon Speech RulesGuthric the Left-Handed Linguist of Lindisfarne (86 visits)

Anglo-Saxon Speech Rules. Guthric the Left-Handed Linguist of Lindisfarne. Historically speaking, the historic Anglo-Saxon Chronicle is one of the greatest historical documents known to history. Detailed, nuanced, rhetorically and stylistically refined and never repetitive, dull, inconsequential or narrow-to-the-point-of-solipsistic in focus, it provides a neutral, unbiased, thoughtful and self-aware record of the Anglo-Saxon people(s!) that has yet to be equaled in the annals of history. As is well known, certain parts of the Chronicle, alas, have been missing, presumed destroyed by the ravaging forces of William of Normandy. Fortunately, SpecGram ... more ]

9. Archives (85 visits)

SpecGram Archives. A word from our Senior Archivist, Holger Delbrück: While bringing aging media to the web and hence the world is truly a labor of love, SpecGram tries the passion of even the most ardent admirer. Needless to say, we’ve fallen behind schedule. At every turn, the authors found in the pages of this hallowed journal stretch credibility with their gratuitous font mongeringfirst it was the IPA, then a few non-standard transcription systems, then Greek, and not just the alphabet, but the entire diacritical mess, and now I’ve got some god-forsaken Old Church Slavonic glyph sitting on my desk that no one can even name, and which would give the Unicode Consortium ... more ]

10. Creativity and Variation in EsperantoB. Ałłie Stock (85 visits)

Creativity and Variation in Esperanto. by Dr B. Ałłie Stock. When I received notification that my paper had been accepted at the upcoming Creativity and Variation in Esperanto conference in Hopesville, Montana, I was metaphorically over the moon.1 A few weeks later, having flown literally over the mountains,2 I landed at Hopesville International Aerodrome deep in the heart of the Montana Rocky Mountains with my esperoj as altaj as the mountains themselves. It was only a short train ride by the Montana State Magnetic Railway Express to Hopesville itself where green posters were hanging, green flags were flapping and ZEO3-replica memorabilia were doing whatever ... more ]

11. Things Not to Write on Your Funding ProposalsPart IIG. Reed, A. Varice, & M. Ammon (82 visits)

Things Not to Write on Your Funding Proposals Part II. G. Reed, A. Varice, & M. Ammon, X. Quizzit Korps Center for Advanced Collaborative Studies. Conscious of the need to improve the positive social impact of our organization, we’ve decided it was time to branch out further into studies that could improve the lot of the average linguistic researcher. We thus had our interns submit 10,000 funding proposals each to different funders around the world. We could have carefully analysed the content of successful and unsuccessful proposals and highlighted specific words, sentences and phrases linked with rejection. Instead, we gave the interns the weekend off and here present part 2 of 2 of a ... more ]

12. Triskaideka-Cryptolinguistic PuzzleMary Shapiro (80 visits)

Triskaideka-Cryptolinguistic Puzzle. Mary Shapiro, Truman State University. Like other cryptic crosswords, the clues in this puzzle are not straightforward. Unlike most, however, this one focuses mainly on languages and linguistics. For instance, the clue for Zapotec might be “Oto-Manguean variety alters pez coat” (anagram of pez coat), or “Indigenous Mexican language to destroy overtime prior to European Commission” (ZAP + O.T. + E.C.), or “a nice top, a zany blouse conceals retro Oaxacan language” (niCE TOP, A Zany), or many other combinations of puns, anagrams, or typographic quirks. Punctuation in clues is often misleading. Each clue contains both a ... more ]

13. Submit!A Letter from Senior Editor Jonathan Downie (80 visits)

Submit!. A Letter from Senior Editor Jonathan Downie. Most expensive readers, Given our commitment to be committed to causes that seem prima facie respectable, it has come to our notice that some clarifications are in order. Apparently, our work has led to some unfortunate confusionconfusion that we would like to separate from the fortunate confusion that drives merchandise sales. For a start, while Speculative Grammarian is and always has been a bastion of open access, we use neither the Green Open Access model nor the Gold Open Access model. Instead, we use the Fuchsia Open Access Model. We don’t actually know what that means but it’s better than the brown model of some other journals. It ... more ]

14. About Us (79 visits)

Speculative Grammarian and Our Story. The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fields. SpecGram, as it is known to devotees and sworn enemies alike, has for centuries sought to bring together the greatest yet least understood minds of the time, embedding itself firmly in the cultural and psychological matrix of the global society while ... more ] Podcast!

15. Vol CLXXXVIII, No 2 (78 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CLXXXVIII, Number 2 Special Schwa Issue Trey Jones, Editor-in-Chief; Keith Slater, Executive Editor; Mikael Thompson, Senior Editor; Jonathan Downie, Senior Editor, Pete Bleackley, Contributing Editor, Deak Kirkham, Contributing Editor; Associate Editors: Vincent Fish, Mark Mandel; Assistant Editors: Emily Davis, Yuval Wigderson; Editorial Associates: Luca Dinu, Matthew Lee, Tel Monks, Steve Politzer-Ahles, Mary Shapiro, Reed Steiner; Joey Whitford, Comptroller General; Centrally Located, Mid-Mouth, With Detached Frenulum Linguæ September 2020 ... more ]

16. Key Figures in the History of Liturgy #12Rowan and Cath O’Leek (73 visits)

Key Figures in the History of Liturgy #12. From SpecGram Vacant Vaticanational Correspondents, Rowan and Cath O’Leek. Liturgy! The very word breathes Life and Breath into the lives of the faithful as they breathe. Liturgy, however, is not mere words, but words in combinationsyntax,1 as it is known in professional linguistic circles.2 Yet, liturgy reaches beyond even that, for it is a string of words used for praise, prayer and worship as the faithful gather together for corporate acts of worship. Few figures have had greater influence on the development of liturgy than Eduardo della Vaticano della Compostella de Santa Maria della Santa Fe de Christo Jesu e La ... more ]

17. Merchandise (70 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Merchandise. Introduction. In order to lend a hand to our good friends and steadfast supporters over at the Linguist List during their 2006 fund drive, we prepared a small selection of limited edition SpecGram merchandise, including T-shirts, stickers and magnets. Originally these items were only available as prizes awarded as part of the Linguist List fund drive. In 2012, several of the SpecGram editors suffered from a rare form of collective frontal lobe damage, which made it seem like a good idea to put together a SpecGram book. The result in 2013 was The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics. In 2014, Editor Mikael Thompson entered a deep fugue ... more ]

18. A Love/Hate Relationship: Pesky AntonymsJessie Sams (68 visits)

A Love/Hate Relationship: Pesky Antonyms. Jessie Sams, Stephen F. Austin State University. When students get to college, the majority of them have never thought about antonyms as being anything more than “opposites.” So big is the opposite of small, just like buyer is the opposite of seller. Then, all of a sudden, students are forced into a linguistics course with a professor who tells them that they have to learn to differentiate among different types of antonyms. Student’s minds are nearly exploding with information as they have to learn definitions of terms like ‘converse’ and ‘gradable’ and ‘complementary’ in the world of ... more ]

19. Ədvɚtəs’mənts (60 visits)

ADVERTISEMENTS Ədvɚtəs’mənts. Feeling stressed? Wound up? Anxious? Overworked? With our Get Schwa Get Fit 6-week programme, we’ll have you de-stressing your vowel articulation in no timeand muscle tension, back pain and headaches will quickly melt away.. • ° ə ə ° •. Are you a civil engineer, erecting multi-storey buildings on and around tectonic plate boundaries? With our patented Schw-Architecture system, you can test the stress resistance of any car park, hotel, commercial skyscraper or runway simply by articulating unstressed mid-central vowels in the direction of the concrete.. ... more ]

20. The Quasi, Pseudo, Crypto and Faux of LinguisticsNorris Nowaday (58 visits)

The Quasi, Pseudo, Crypto and Faux of Linguistics. Norris Nowaday, Professor of Genuinity in Linguistics, The Δίς Λεγόμενον Centre for Endeepened Ideation. Authenticity has, rightly, infiltrated itself across the disciplines: the transformation of (the coincidentally triune P-ness of) philosophy, psychology, and performance attests to the centrality of authenticity in contemporary academia. However, the construct of authenticityand its shadow, the perennial enemies of authenticity, the inauthenticities of the crypto, the quasi, the pseudo and the fauxis yet to assert itself ... more ]

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Last updated Oct. 20, 2020.