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1. Cartoon Theories of Linguistics—Part ז—Synchronic vs. Diachronic—Phineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D. (227 visits)

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part ז—Synchronic vs. Diachronic. Phineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. If you have fallen behind, try to catch up. For those who are caught up, a simple explanation of the difference between synchronic contrast and diachronic contrast, illustrated with examples from a couple of the beautiful Romance languages—Spanish and its ancestor, Latin: Synchronic ... Diachronic ... Up next: The Trouble with NLP. References, Barðdal, Jóhanna H. (2001). Case in Icelandic: A Synchronic, Diachronic and Comparative Approach. Blevins, Juliette. (2004). Evolutionary Phonology: The Emergence of Sound ... [ more ]


2. Prepositional Propositions: About, Of, On, Under, and In—Psammeticus Press (24 visits)

Psammeticus Press, NEW CONFERENCE PROCEEDINGS Prepositional Propositions: About, Of, On, Under, and In, Proceedings of CRAPAR 118-128, 2007, Published 2008. Softcover, 6288 pages. Price: $12.95 Reviewed by Prepp O’Zishun. This collection of articles presented at the One Hundred and Eighteenth through One Hundred and Twenty-Eighth Colloquia of the Concerned Researchers’ Association for Prepositional Analysis in Romance (all held in 2007) is very long. It is very big. It is also very boring. At first I thought there was nothing to recommend it. Then I realized that there is a series of papers that make interesting reference to each other in their titles. I tried reading ... [ more ]


3. Cartoon Theories of Linguistics—Part ζ—Physics vs. Physics Envy—Phineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D. (16 visits)

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part ζ—Physics vs. Physics Envy. Phineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. Introductions are superfluous for those who have been keeping up. Now, to the heart of the matter, in which we discuss the long-recognized but little-discussed travesty of unconfidence in our field of study: ... Up next: Diachronic vs Synchronic. References, Cohen, Joel E. (1971). “Mathematics as Metaphor: a review of Dynamical System Theory in Biology. Vol. 1, Stability Theory and Its Applications by Robert Rosen.” Science, New Series, Vol. 172, No. 3984. Dymetman, Marc. (1998). “Group Theory and Computational ... [ more ]


4. Vol CXCIV, No 2 (16 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CXCIV, Number 2 Editor-in-Chief: Trey Jones; Executive Editors: Keith Slater, Mikael Thompson; Senior Editors: Jonathan Downie, Deak Kirkham; Contributing Editors: Pete Bleackley, Vincent Fish; Associate Editors: Luca Dinu, Yuval Wigderson, Daniel Swanson; Editorial Associates: Emily Davis, Nina Sloan; Comptroller General: Joey Whitford; We Put the [ˌsuʷpɚˈsɪliʲəs] in [ˌsuʷpɚˈsɪliʲəst]; October 2024, ... [ more ]


5. Cartoon Theories of Linguistics—Part ж—The Trouble with NLP—Phineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D. (16 visits)

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part ж—The Trouble with NLP. Phineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. Please review previously discussed materials as needed. Now that that is taken care of, let us consider why Natural Language Processing (or, its alter-ego, Computational Linguistics) has not been the resounding success regularly predicted by the NLP faithful: We gave the monkeys the bananas because they were hungry/over-ripe. Time/Fruit flies like a(n) arrow/banana. pretty little girl’s school crying computational linguist Up next: Lexicostatistics vs Glottochronology. References, Baeza-Yates, Ricardo and Berthier Ribeiro-Neto (1999). Modern Information ... [ more ] Merch! Book!


6. Masyu Ortograpiu II—Linguistic Boogaloo—Trey Jones (9 visits)

Masyu Ortograpiu II—Linguistic Boogaloo. Trey Jones, l’École de SpecGram, Tokyo. The SpecGram Puzzle Elves™ are back with another installment of Masyu Ortograpiu—an orthography-based variant of the popular yet challenging Masyu puzzle form. In fact, Masyu Ortograpiu is apparently so challenging that no one could do it—so, for Masyu Ortograpiu II, we’ve made things several smidgens easier by providing copious hints about the various orthographies used in the puzzle. First, the rules. Masyu Ortograpiu is played on a grid, with several squares that contain symbols from various writing systems. The goal is to draw a ... [ more ]


7. About Us (9 visits)

Speculative Grammarian and SpecGram.com. Our Story. The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fields. SpecGram, as it is known to devotees and sworn enemies alike, has for centuries sought to bring together the greatest yet least understood minds of the time, embedding itself firmly in the cultural and psychological matrix of the global society while ... [ more ] Podcast!


8. An Analysis of easy-Type Adjectives—A. Word (8 visits)

An Analysis of easy-Type Adjectives. by A. Word. In certain academic circles, there is a well-known category of adjectives, often referred to as easy-type adjectives. These include hard, difficult and others. The characteristic patterns of easy-type adjectives are given in (1). (1), A. Word is easy to get along with. It is easy to get along with A. Word. A. Word was very easy for Merry to get along with. It was very easy for Merry to get along with A. Word. This is not the kind of phenomenon we will be discussing. (Though all of the above statements are true!) Instead, I want to give dating tips to the average unbound morpheme just looking ... [ more ] Podcast! Book!


9. The SpecGram Quiz to End All Quizzes (7 visits)

The SpecGram Quiz to End All Quizzes. ... Everyone makes Internet quizzes—even your three richest widowed aunts use their mite, if not their might, to bedazzle the gullible and amass those sweet, sweet clicks. So stand aside, ladies, SpecGram is on the make move! There’s a new quiz powerhouse in town, and since we don’t believe in planned obsolescence, you’ll never need nor want another!, Just answer these 17 handy-dandy mutually orthogonal questions to get the answers to all (or at least the 7 most important) of your burning questions. ... [ more ]


10. Tim Pulju’s The History of Rome (6 visits)

Tim Pulju’s The History of Rome . Are you looking for a book about ancient Roman history that’s interesting, informative, and amusing? No? Oh. Well, all the same, as long as you’re on this webpage already, we’d like to recommend that you buy Tim Pulju’s The History of Rome. Easy to read, full of genuine historical facts, and adorned with amateurish hand-drawn pictures, The History of Rome is so good that even Girolamo Savonarola might hesitate to cast it into the flames. And best of all, it’s only $6.99! Buy one now! Interested, but wary of being burned by a slick advertising campaign for a product that fails to live up to the hype? Then download the free preview and read ... [ more ]


11. Classified Ads (6 visits)

Classified Ads. NEED DATA TO SUPPORT YOUR THEORY? We represent almost a dozen little-known, dying languages, each with five or fewer elderly speakers left. These native speaker groups have each come to terms with the fact that their language is going to disappear, and they want to cash out. These speakers will incorporate any desired phenomena into their language, and then allow you to make audio and video recordings. After a few years, the speakers will be gone, and your “data” will be unassailable. Serious inquiries only to PO Box αβγ Newton Falls, OH, 44444. MASTER’S PROGRAM IN EXOLINGUISTICS. Put your language universals to work! Learn to communicate with extraterrestrials. ... [ more ]


12. Meet the SpecGram Editors (6 visits)

Meet the SpecGram Editors. In response to a decades-long demand to lift the veil of near-anonymity behind which the editors of Speculative Grammarian live, lurk, and work, we have begrudgingly agreed to provide publicly for the very first time a series of brief biographical sketches of select editors. Those editors with multiple outstanding federal warrants for their arrest on charges of felonious articulation, transporting underage girls across state lines for immetaphorical purposes, and impersonating an officer of the International Phonetic Association have been excluded, upon advice from our attorneys. The first two biographical sketches are below — Name: David J. Peterson, Title: ... [ more ]


13. Cartoon Theories of Linguistics—Part 九—Lexicostatistics vs. Glottochronology—Phineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D. (6 visits)

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part 九—Lexicostatistics vs. Glottochronology. Phineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. If you are new to Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, please review back issues of this journal. Now let us consider the fundamental difference between Lexicostatistics and Glottochronology: Lexicostatistics Glottochronology Up next: Feeding and Bleeding with guest cartoonist Erin Taylor. References, Arndt, Walter W. (1959). “The performance of glottochronology in Germanic”. Language, 35, 180-192. Bergsland, Knut; & Vogt, Hans. (1962). “On the validity of glottochronology”. Current Anthropology, 3, 115-153. Chretien, Douglas ... [ more ] Podcast!


14. Cartoon Theories of Linguistics Part 3—Morphological Typology—Phineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D. (5 visits)

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part 3—Morphological Typology. Phineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. No need for an introduction, it was covered in previous installments (on non-configurational languages and ergativity). Instead, let us proceed to the next chapter of our Cartoon Theories of Linguistics. I have provided the following cartoonish exegesis of morphological typology for your edification: ... Up next: Statistical Machine Translation. References, Baker, Mark. (1988). Incorporation: A theory of grammatical function changing. Baker, Mark. (1996). The polysynthesis parameter. Comrie, Bernard. (1989). Language universals and linguistic typology (2nd ... [ more ] Merch! Book!


15. Merchandise (5 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Merchandise. Introduction. In order to lend a hand to our good friends and steadfast supporters over at the Linguist List during their 2006 fund drive, we prepared a small selection of limited edition SpecGram merchandise, including T-shirts, stickers and magnets. Originally these items were only available as prizes awarded as part of the Linguist List fund drive. In 2012, several of the SpecGram editors suffered from a rare form of collective frontal lobe damage, which made it seem like a good idea to put together a SpecGram book. The result in 2013 was The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics. In 2014, Editor Mikael Thompson entered a deep fugue ... [ more ]


16. Arabic Numeral to Numeri++ Converter (5 visits)

Arabic Numeral to Numeri++ Converter. by Daniel Swanson & Trey Jones. Cognomen 2018 (SpecGram, CLXXX.3) in footnote ‡‡† lays out “a superior, novel solution” to extending Numeri++, his science-nerd–friendly upgrade to Roman numerals, to accommodate values beyond 5,000. Below we provide a handy converter† for the mathematically and/or typographically challenged among you who would like to use this system — † It appears that our buddy Prae-Prae put a little too much faith in the Unicode Consortium. Obviously any entity with “Consortium” right there in the name is not to be trusted fully. The biggest problem is that ... [ more ]


17. Letters to the Editor (CLIII.3) (5 visits)

Letters to the Editor. [We have received numerous letters concerning a recent news item, “Linguistic Emissions Reduction Sought”. Below is a representative sampling.—Eds.] To the Editors, While reducing linguistic emissions is clearly vital in the struggle against global warming, we must not overlook other opportunities to decrease language-related metabolic costs. For example, considering how much communication is conducted electronically nowadays, more ergonomic keyboards—perhaps even language specific ones—could help. Ergonomically Yours, Spetzel Rezanec, Nuu Deli, Finland — Dear SpecGram, Some have reported that Chinese is more efficient as a written ... [ more ]


18. Chomskadamus Predicts The Future—A Letter Channeled through Editor-at-Large Jonathan van der Meer (5 visits)

Chomskadamus Predicts The Future. A Letter Channeled through Editor-at-Large Jonathan van der Meer. The scene: a darkened, cavernous lecture hall. Most of the seats are empty. A stodgy, inconsequential professor pedantically drones on and on while stumbling around the front of the room. None of the students are really paying attention, and a few even snore gently in the front row. This is Linguistics 101. Suddenly, the professor pauses mid-“morphosyntax” transfixed by an unnatural shaft of light stabbing through a window. He seems to gain stature and presence as he begins to speak, loudly and with force, in an unspeakably ancient and unutterably eldritch tongue, which, to understand even a syllable, ... [ more ]


19. Lingua Pranca (4 visits)

I U Linguistics Club. Lingua Pranca. T. Ernst & E. Smith, Editors. Indiana University. June 1978. ... i u linguistics club, edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging, ... Lingua, ... Pranca, ... fleur ... T. Ernst & E. Smith, eds. ... indiana university, ... [ more ]


20. Vinegar Valentines (4 visits)

Vinegar Valentines. As Valentine’s Day rolls around once again, we at SpecGram recognize that not everyone has a special someone to spend the day with. Some people have no one; pity unto them. But the real losers on Valentine’s Day are those who have someone, just not someone who is particularly special. Whether it’s a creeper, a stalker, a jilted ex, or just a poor misguided soul who is a little too thick to take a hint, these Vinegar Valentines—a genre which rose to popularity in the late 19th century—will help you let them down, albeit none too gently. Click an image for higher resolution. ... [ more ]


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Last updated Oct. 29, 2024.