FOR SALE
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
FIRE SALE!
EVERYTHING IN THIS
STORAGE UNIT MUST GO!
Poulsen Telegraphones (2), Kay Sona-Graph DSP 5500, Electro Voice 630 V2 microphones (3); IBM 5100 Personal Computer; Eugene Dietzgen Company Improved Mannheim Simplex Slide Rules (4), XT Uzi/Reel-to-Reel Recorders (3); Miscellaneous logarithm tables and nomographs of various vintages.
PRICES NEGOTIABLE.
NO NARCS!
Contact UGOLINO, SG Box 5668.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
For sale, common sense theories, never used. Contact Wm. Jones, SG Box 9–28.
For sale, 47 lightly used sets of clothes for cats, most unsoiled. Purr-fect for dressing your little fur-baby up for holiday card photos, amusing selfies, and other wild’n’wacky fun while dissertating. $2 apiece, except $3 for the special graduation gown so you two can celebrate together. Contact MT, SG Box МУУР.
I wish to sell, vend, trade, exchange, retail, hawk, peddle or liquidate my thesaurus. Contact PMRoget, SG Box 1852.
FOR SALE: Sheet of old vellum, folded with “EXPLICATIO” written on the outside. Inside, gibberish characters in one column with weird Latin next to it. Probably meaningless, but a good stocking stuffer for antiquarians. 20€ plus postage to P. Voynich, Telšiai, Lithuania.
MISC.
Has your wug
been tested? 
WANTED
Blind man seeks semantic ambiguity removal company. Contact SWonder, SG Box 81.
★★ Which seeks spell chequer. Contact WWotW, SG Box RUBY. ★★
Wanted: well-behaved natural language data. The time is ticking on my tenure clock and I need to get a paper out there quick. Do you have some easy and accessible data to share? I need something that patently supports any version of Chomskyan syntactic theory. Will trade my own unruly field data if you’re interested in a swap—I can’t see any interesting patterns in it myself, but I suppose some typologist could “discover” something in it. Contact AssProf, SG Box 10UR.
NOTICES
If anyone has seen my data ... please don’t tell anyone what it’s really like.
SOCIAL
The Society for the Acceptance of Anglicisms in French is seeking new members. Let’s do le brunch on le week-end!
The Society for the Acceptance of Spoken French as a Polysynthetic Language calls on you to help us fight the good fight. L’orthographe n’est pas le destin!
The Society for the Acceptance of the Rejection of Societies for the Acceptance of Things About Languages, Particularly French is seeking fewer members, for our own group and for other groups in the “Society for the Acceptance of <something-something> French” style. Make it stop! When all the others are gone, we will disband as well.
★ ★ ★
Join The Rasmus Rask Society for the Appreciation of Rasmus Rask and All Things Related to Rasmus Rask Because We Really Like Saying Rasmus Rask; He Certainly Was a Good Looking Rascal, but
by Jove! His Name
—Rasmus Rask—Is Fun to Say; And Yes All of That Is in the Name of Our Rasmus Rask–Loving Society, Including This Bit.
★ ★ ★
Contact Butch McBastard ℅ Speculative Grammarian, for more information about Rasmus Rask—or, just look up Rasmus Rask on Wikipedia.
★ ★ ★
PETS
Wugii for sale. Experienced owneri only. Contact Gleason-Gleasoni, SG Box 123.
PERSONALS
/m/ seeks /f/ to form minimal pair. Contact H.Eng, SG Box ♥Phoney♥.
Theorist seeks field researcher for mutual distrust. [No contact information provided.]
Attractive [citation needed] Wikipedia editor seeks similar for purely platonic relationship [dubious – discuss]. Contact WikiGnome, SG Box ♥WP:NOTADATINGSERVICE♥.
Kinky syntactician seeks similar politician for government and binding. Contact LilHægewoman, SG Box ♥TieMeUp♥.
Dated, dative, and dating: “Who” seeks single “m” to objectify me. Contact DatAsterisk, SG Box ♥***♥.
Comma looking for a full-stop top. Let’s join but keep things independent. Contact PunktyBrewster, SG Box ♥Semi♥.
MISC.
Have your wugs been
tested?
