Language & Brains—Expirations in Minimalism—Lecture Announcement from Dr. S. Morgenstern SpecGram Vol CLXIII, No 1 Contents Bewitched, Bothered, and Begoogled—Rick Bryan


Lɛ::ŋkθ Mɑ:rk Me::ɪl Ɛ:nhæ::nsmɛ:nt

Ladies, does your man suffer from shorter-than-average vowel length? Do your girlfriends giggle when he speaks? Do you wish he could last a little longer? We can help. Our special proprietary herbal supplement mix enhances, extends, enlarges, and expands your man’s vowels.

Our pharmacolinguists have created a special blend of these powerful, all natural language herbs:

Japanese GinsengHungarian Saw Palmetto
Vietnamese Gingko BilobaLuiseño Damiana Extract
Sanskrit YohimbeFijian Deer Antler
and Old English Horny Goat Weed

“I just love a man with long, sexy vowels!”

Lɛ::ŋkθ Mɑ:rk Me::ɪl Ɛ:nhæ::nsmɛ:nt
Make your man aaaaaaaall you want him to be.

Warning: This statement has not been evaluated by the Food & Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Be sure to check with your health care practitioner before taking any dietary supplement. Common side effects include uncontrolled gemminnation, sudden-onset ligatures, barred gelded j’s, under-stroked n’s, excessive vowel unrounding, night time trilling, and, in extreme cases, loss of frication. If you experience vowels lasting more than four hours, consult a phonetician immediately.

Language & BrainsExpirations in MinimalismLecture Announcement from Dr. S. Morgenstern
Bewitched, Bothered, and BegoogledRick Bryan
SpecGram Vol CLXIII, No 1 Contents