From the Editors Ps. Q. Vol XVI, No 4 Contents The Poets’ Corner


Dear Sirs,
   I was greatly annoyed to find (Vol. XVI, No. 1) that you attached my name to a “letter” which I did not write. Apparently you think it’s funny to write “letters” yourselves and attribute them to other people. As one who has been victimized by this practice, I am asking you to stop it.
            Mark Okrand

Dear Mr. Okrand,
   We are very sorry. We will never do such a thing again.

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To the editors:
   Over the past few years, I have occasionally glanced through your journal at the library (I would never spend money on such a useless periodical). I am not sure why I kept reading it; I guess I cherished faint hopes that a piece of serious scholarship might somehow slip between your covers. Now, my prayers have been answered by G.D. Duvkal’s excellent article (Vol. XVI, No. 3) on Smltl Czech. I am not certain who this fellow Duvkal is, but he seems to be a linguist after my own heart.
            Noam Chomsky

   P.S. Thank you for the favorable, if highly inaccurate and outdated, review of my book. It might have helped if you had actually read it, or if you knew anything about the history of linguistics over the past three decades.
   P.P.S. Robert E. Lee has been dead for about 100 years.
   P.P.P.S I do not have a stamp collection.
            Noam Chomsky

Mr. Chomsky:
   You caught us. Robert E. Lee is indeed dead. However, he was an excellent general.

   P.S. You do so have a stamp collection.

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Meine Herrschaften,
   Ich habe seit zehn Jahren jede Ausgabe von Ps. Q. lesen wollen, doch lehnt unsere Bibliothek ab, Ihre wichtige Zietschrift zu bestellen. Die Grund dafür sei, sie koste zu wenig (nur Dm 50.-pro Jahr). Bitte erhaben Sie den Preis, damit man richtig bezahlen muß!
            Gunther Grass

Lieber Herr Grass,
   “Der Wert bestimmt den Preis.” Zwar kostet die Zeitschrift schon ein bißchen zu viel.
   Sie haben “Zeitschrift” falsch buchstabiert.

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Dear Editors,
            Peeved in Grand Rapids

Dear Peeved,

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Attn: Managing Editors
   This letter is addressed directly to Tim Pulju and Keith Slater. Very briefly, gentlemen: since the dawn of time, there has been no pair of linguists more incompetent than you, as researchers, theoreticians, or editors. Were it not for the wonderful articles contributed by your consulting editors, your journal would be an utter waste.
            Very sincerely,
            Leonard Bloomfield
            This letter was also signed by another 1762 highly famous and distinguished linguists, living and dead.

Dear Mr. Bloomfield et. al.
   Thank you all for personally signing the letter. We are very pleased to have the autographs of such distinguished linguists. While we must respectfully disagree with the sentiments expressed in the letter, we are pleased to tell you that the document itself has been laminated, framed, and hung on the wall in the lobby of our headquarters, right next to the Pulitzer certificates.

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Most worthy sirs,
   It is with great pleasure that we hereby inform you of your selection to receive the Pulitzer Prize for academic publishing in 1988. For the sixteenth consecutive year, the selection committee unanimously recognizes your outstanding contributions to your own field of linguistic inquiry and your selfless dedication to the pursuit of unparalleled scholarship in every related discipline as completely beyond compare. Congratulations again.
            William H. Danforth
            Chairman, Pulitzer selection Committee

Dear Bill,
   As usual, we’re touched. Thanks.
   Please thank the other folks on the committee for us, too, and say hi to Martha and the kids.

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Psammeticus Quarterly is a publication of the Capital Area Linguistics Organization. It is printed by authority of the MAC Press and costs $.50 per issue.

Ps. Q. no longer encourages submissions, since this is the last issue. Those who have not submitted articles in the past must resign themselves to never being published in the foremost linguistics journal of our day.

The MAC Press is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Pulju-Slater Enterprises. Contrary to the current rumor, Rupert Murdoch is not a silent partner in the business.

[SpecGram editor’s note: Though Psammeticus Quarterly is no longer accepting submissions, submissions which would have been appropriate for Ps. Q. are also appropriate for Speculative Grammarian, and are welcome. See our submissions page for more details.]

From the Editors
The Poets’ Corner
Ps. Q. Vol XVI, No 4 Contents