From the Editors Ps. Q. Vol XVI, No 2 Contents Pisces’ Playpen


Attn: Editors
   I have never been so insulted as when I read Dave Kathman’s (Vol. XVI, No. 1) thoroughly unfounded attack on my work and character. I shall not even deign to defend my theoriesany unbiased reader of my book will certainly see that they are well-founded and insightful. However, I must protest K’s depiction of my work as full of savage “ad hominem attacks”but that’s the sort of unfounded charge you can expect from a self-important half-wit like K. An ego the size of his, when paired with a brain the size of a walnut, will naturally belittle that which it could never hope to understand.
   K’s very existence supports the theory that man has devolved, rather than evolved, from the brutish, hairy, grub-eating, lice-infested chimpanzee. Nor will I even mention the rumors about K’s year-long stay at the Martin Vanderhoss Clinical Treatment Centerunder an assumed name. I can only hope that in the future the editors of Ps. Q. will refrain from printing such unscholarly personal diatribes as those perpetrated by K.
            William D. Pinkerton-Umlaut

Dear Sir:
   We couldn’t agree more.

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   I noticed in the list of your consulting editors (Vol. XVI, No. 1) the name of Jill Beckman. How could a journal of your quality so dignify a rank amateur? I hope you will do something about this indecency!
            Beth D.

Dear Beth:
   We refuse to bow to this sort of pressure. Ms. Beckman’s name has always appeared in our list of consulting editors and always will.

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   Ta qns slp flrly grr dnsxml thowt R nrtld ethl grvers lrsrlr wen Jurgenson’s mthrils splrklgama Fnetos I Slovak srampm (Ps. Q. XI. 3). Nxma, rh sch dmpetol rcldd [t] m satl. Vohxn thl qwrabty slp xthelatvko, dxm flly srml avqgrht; pals br dat ln votnsh!
            Skrz Krk

Dear Mr. Krk,
   You are quite correct. We apologize for the error.

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   Though you’d like to know that rumor has it your consulting editor, Larry Hagman, is a sotty womanizer, whose interest in linguistics is purely utilitarian.
            Sign me: A224

Dear A224,

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To the editors:
   When Ps. Q. first began coming out in 1972, it was a refreshing breath of fresh air in a field dominated by unoriginal, uninspired thinking. Alas, after sixteen years as a reader, I have come to realize that this is no longer the case. I refer especially to the decline in quality of articles authored by managing editor Tim Pulju. True, nothing he has ever written makes any sense, but at least in his earlier efforts he tried, if unsuccessfully, to expand the boundaries of linguistic knowledge. His most recent article, “A Stratificational Approach to Making Macaroni and Cheese,” (Vol XVI, No. 1) is a perfect example of his recent tendency toward beating a long-dead horse.
   Idiocy I can stand, and have come to expect from your magazine. Insipidity, however, is another matter. I regret that I must ask you to cancel my subscription and refund the $367.28 remaining from my most recent prepayment.
            W.J.S. (U of F)

Dear W.J.S. (U of F):
   As per your wishes, you will receive no more issues of Ps. Q.. However, we regret to inform you that our policy does not permit the refunding of subscription fees.

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Psammeticus Quarterly is a publication of the Capital Area Linguistics League. It is printed under the auspices of the ELC Press. The cover price for 1989 is $.25 per issue. One-year subscriptions are available for 15 sesterces (individual) or 25 sesterces (institution). lifetime subscriptions command a price worthy of Croesus.

Submissions should be sent to: Managing Editor, Psammeticus Quarterly, Room 1, International Center, Michigan State University, East Lansing, Michigan, 48824. Hand-delivery is also acceptable. Articles should be amusing, insightful, and not too long.

Ps. Q. is NOT a Fascist propaganda sheet.

[SpecGram editor’s note: Alas, Psammeticus Quarterly is no longer accepting submissions. Submissions which would have been appropriate for Ps. Q. are also appropriate for Speculative Grammarian, and are welcome. See our submissions page for more details.]

From the Editors
Pisces’ Playpen
Ps. Q. Vol XVI, No 2 Contents