Speculative Grammarian’s Under-
As you can see, the feedback is “nuanced” to say the least. The resulting 1,000 page pixel report engendered a flurry of ice-
A linguinness walks into an Irish pub.
Two diacriticists walked into a macron.
Roget goes into a pub, bar, inn, hostelry...
Two generative grammarians moved into A-bar.
An expert in the linguistics of Ovis aries walked into a baa.
A polysynthetic language friend-
The pub for linguists closed and turned into a church. It’s now an ex-bar.
What happens when two parole officers walk into a bar? Language planning.
A verb says to a noun, “Would you like to conjugate?” The noun says, “I decline.”
Two satirical linguists walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
A homonym and a polyseme walk into a bar of chocolate and each has an identity crisis.
Some Devanagari syllables walk into a bar and say, “We’d like to have a word with you.”
The passive construction walks into a bar but the bouncer tells him “You’ve been barred.”
/a/ walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartenders, /i/ and /u/, say, “Sorry, we’re closed.”
A PhD graduate in Literary Studies goes into a coffee shop... because it’s the start of their shift.
The pro-
Some linguini walk into an Italian restaurant (and ask for a dish cooked al dental place of articulation).
/ɤ/ walks into a bar. Another patron bumps into him and says, apologetically,
Two undergrad syntax students were not sure whether they had [walked] [into a bar] or [walked into] [a bar].
If all men who are thirsty walk into bars, and Socrates isn’t thirsty but is a man, does Socrates walk into a bar?
A palindrome walks into a bar. Or was it leaving? Regardless, I once saw an ambigram do both at the same time.
A verb asks a noun, “Is there still room in your bartending course?” The noun responds, “Sure, it’s an open class.”
A differential and a function are having a loud argument at the bar. An integral goes over to them and yells, “Me!”
Two American PhD variationist graduates walked into a bar; two British PhD variationist graduates walked into a pub.
An impersonal verb walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out! You’re hideous.” The verb responds, “No argument here.”
An object walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a scotch and your phone number.” The bartender responds, “Wow, you’re direct.”
A patron in another corner had a witty and insulting response brewing, but somehow it got all mixed up before she could take her shot.
A noun-
If all universally-
A low-
A non-
Two aspiring sociolinguistics students bought a bar, recorded the interactions, made a couple of impressionistic observations and were offered tenure.
A linguist walks into A-bar. The bartender says, “I can’t serve you. You’re a noun and you belong in N-bar.” The linguist responds, “But I need to take AP.”
Two linguists walk into a bar. The first one says, “Go ahead and order for us. It’s time for some, er, debuckle-
A verb walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a gin. Actually, make it a mixed drink.” The bartender looks confused until the verb explains, “I’m trying to become a gerund.”
Who walks into a bar looking absolutely stunning in a revealing dress. The bartender takes one look at her, licks his lips, and says, “Mmm!” Who snaps, “Don’t objectify me!”
After a hard night of drinking, two phrases stagger up to the bar. One of them slurs, “I’m too drunk to drive home; he’s too drunk to drive home.” The bartender responds, “I’ll call you a parataxis.”
A verb says to the bartender, “I’ve ordered a gin and tonic. Why haven’t you served me yet?” The bartender says, “I don’t recall anyone asking for a gin and tonic.” The verb says, “I could have sworn that I had ordered a drink.” The bartender replies, “Nobody’s perfect.”
More to come...
1 Apologies in advance: many are more-
2 And all one-
3 We toyed with the idea of going with the formula4 “There was a lexicographer, a semanticist, and a pragmaticist...” but we couldn’t find the right words, the jokes didn’t really mean anything, and the context wasn’t quite right.
4 A few contributions were not necessarily off-
Spare a thought for the computational linguist who got recruited by an intelligence agency as they had heard about his prodigious hacking skills. It turned out that he was just good at p-hacking.
Q: Why did the NP cross the road?
A: To get case from the chicken.
How many Chomskyans does it take to change a light bulb?
First you put a cabbage in the oven, and the rest follows from general principles.