[K]
Been busy all week readin’ papers by the stack
Now it’s late on Friday, we about to get wack
So I dress up in a blazer, slick my hair back real nice
Some bling round my neck and a splash of Old Spice
I’m drippin’ with style, yeah I got mad rizz
I’m headin’ out to where all the action is
As I strut through the door you know I droppin’ them jaws
The ladies and the fellas gonna holla with applause
We in the club
We in the club, yeah
We in the club
Linguistics journal club
All my homies grab a beer, but you know we be ballin’
Those losers chug that swill while Shrillz and I Cristallin’
I plug in my computer and grab hold of the mike
PowerPoint presenter mode, just the way I like
Well I got hella flow, yeah my talk is in verse ’n’
I gon’ emphasize my points with a fuckton of cursin’
So I launch straightaway to the m-f’in introduction
’Bout this rando claimin’ dryness interferes with tone production
But these other dudes are like: Nuh-uh bro, show humility
About your dumb hypothesis that tone comes from humidity
But that ain’t doin’ science, callin’ other work cruddy
So they backin’ up their claims with a real dope study
The next part’s such a snooze so I rush through methodology
Language evolution, dictionaries, climatology
And here come the results, so I gotta slow down
I’ma dive into statistics, prove that first guy is a clown
Now the following slide shows all the numbers from the table
You could read it by yourself but I bet you ain’t able
So I drew some orange boxes round key stats so you can see
Don’t know what first guy was smokin, we in flavor country, G!
We in the club
Linguistics journal club, yeah
We in the club
Shrillex, drop the dub...
Step!
[Mixer]
Wub wu-wu-wu-wub tiktiktiktiktik WUUUUUUB! Wee
[Professor Zenotti unplugs the mixer]
/iːɪeɛæaäɑɑ̰ːːː/
[K]
Okay fine, Doctor Z, I’ll go without my fire backin’
I forget you old professors’d rather chill by Fleetwood Mackin’
But jus’ look to the back, see the students aren’t snoring
That’s a pretty awesome fact, cuz Journal Club be boring
So now everyone’s awake for my big reveal:
The conclusions are all false, the correlations aren’t real!
See everything depends on how the data are coded
The authors took a look, and the p-values exploded
Here’s another big point, prof, so don’t give me that attitude
All sorts of crazy variables correlate with latitude
When talkin ’bout phonology or anything linguistic
There’s no evidence at all environment’s deterministic
Drop the mike to the floor and the speakers go BOOM!
Lower my shades to all the clappin’ in the room
Lift me up on their shoulders shoutin’ “K! You the beast!”
Take me out to Olive Garden for a well-deserved feast
[Shrillex]
Wake up, K! Journal club’s in 20 minutes and you ain’t
prepared nothin’ yet!
