How curiously spelt is English!
Its users will oftentimes wish
That one sound, one letter
Might be somewhat better
Than a script that spells pisces as ⟨ghoti⟩.
—Constance K. Phonetik
So ⟨ch⟩ and ⟨sh⟩ (there’s more!)
And ⟨th⟩ and ⟨ph⟩ (that’s phour!)
Should be all monographs.
Yes, ŝurely so, ĉaps,
As the great Ludoviko foresaw.
—Esther-Esmerelda D’Esperanza D’Esperanto
It’s a mad, crazee linear mix
And to learn it takes ages—and sucks.
A to Z Latinate:
Orthographical fate.
And why, God, oh why 26?
—Alfie Bett and Ada Zea
(Not) Getting Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-s
Az I lie wide awake on my bed
A single thought runz through my head
Az I seek after sleep
(Though I’ve tried counting sheep):
Is it zee-z that I’m lacking or zed-z?
—Suzie Zedaker
There’s three sounds for ⟨y⟩! My, oh my!
First [aɪ] as in ‘Try dye my fly’;
Then [i:] in ‘silly’;
[ɪ] in ‘crypt’ makes up three;
All of which begs the question: but Y?
—Wye Y. Why
I’m sick to my last ragged breath
Of ⟨th⟩; I’m sick to the death!
You just make me laugh,
You mad, blasted digraph.
O God, give me þ, give me ð.
—Þeodore Pumpernickoldeon Leðerstone-McBreeches
Some say ‘zed’ while others say ‘zee’
This won’t change, and they’ll never agree:
UK v. US;
But I couldn’t care less:
The whole thing’s all ζ to me.
—Zepheniah ap Zefeniah
We think there should be something better
Than the small and the capital letter.
Instead we propose
Graph type X when it snows
And type Z when it’s warmer or wetter.
—Major Skule and Mini Skule
F / ph / ...gh off!
‘I laugh in your face, phantom Death!’
Enough of your phony-fierce path!
Stay away; come not near
With your rough-tough fear-sphere:
Little death, I just don’t give an ⟨f / ph / ...gh⟩!
—Philomena Frygtløs
A word like knight is absurd:
It starts with a ⟨k⟩? That’s a turd.
Then ⟨gh⟩ makes no sound,
Though it’s lurking around—
Like a ghost in a suit, undeterred.
—Charla González Pérez-Tórrez
