/nuz baɪts/ SpecGram Vol CXCIII, No 3 Contents Overheard in the Linguistics Student Lounge—Chesterton Wilburfors Gilchrist, IV

Book ९७

Fresh young faces yearn
Expectantly TA-ward.
Imposter syndrome!
—Lauren Ipsum

hours spent commenting
on this Master’s thesis draft
only one page done
—Sue Pervisor

on the meaning of
root-suffix=clitic constructions
clitics are semantically dense
but critically do not express tense
to show with mathematics
note root minus affix
is equal to the enclitic’s sense
—Andrew Lamont

I’m told Father Christmas abhors
(Although I’m unsure of the cause)
And subordination:
St. Nick insists he’s the Main Claus.
—Eckhart (Eck) Smuss

It’s an alien language, it seems:
It has baffled our linguistic teams,
Their minds filled with doubt
As they parse it without
Any knowledge of ET phonemes.
—Pete Bleackley

Vladimir, Estragonoh no!
Don’t take up linguisticsa no-go.
You want explanation
For syntactification?
Forget it! It’s like waiting for Noamot.
—Godd, O.

Ode to [h] (for example)
To make a rounded vowel
Don’t shout
Or wave your arms about.
Just pout
Breathe out
And move your tongue around
’Til you get the sound.

Or, if that does in your head
Just go for a vowel which is spread
Smile, say cheese
Exhale and say ‘Pretty please’
To your tongue—
Which you then just move around
’Til you get the sound.

And if all that stuff
Is more than enough
There’s always the consonants
Which are far less obstinate
(Though some are obstruents)

Especially the [h]elpful ones that don’t need a tongue at all.
—Lingw, L.

/nuz baɪts/
Overheard in the Linguistics Student LoungeChesterton Wilburfors Gilchrist, IV
SpecGram Vol CXCIII, No 3 Contents