SpecGram Vol CXCI, No 3 Contents Letters to the Editor

SpecGram, Quarterly

A Letter from the Editor-in-Chief

[Note: Due to a scheduling error0 and tight deadline, we were unable to cull a small percentage of the Editor-in-Chief’s extensive and extraneous footnotes. Our usual modus operandi is to allow him to annotate and divagate to his tiny black heart’s approximation of contentment, and then mercilessly cut the dead weight with a red pencil-cum-machete. In this case, we were only able to remove and repair the subsequent rhetorical and narrative damage for approximately 86.7% (by weight) of the Editor-in-Chief’s most egregious footnotery. We apologize for the unavoidable inconvenience. —The Meta-Editorial Interns]

Dear Gentle Readers,* the times they are a-changin’. Come 2022, we’ll be re-organizing, re-vamping, re-tooling, and otherwise productively applying re- to various verbsǁ here at SpecGram.

Among the forthcoming changes, SpecGramharkening back to the days of Psammeticus Quarterlywill plan to publish four times a year. This plan has actually been in the works since early 2016. Howevernot wanting to appear déclassé by brazenly aping PsQthe editorial board has been quibblingǂ for a long hundred of fourtenights over an alternate designation for such a publication frequency, what with Quarterlylike the tunic numeral of a sportsball superjockhaving been respectfully retired.

Many candidates have been considered. Among the most tendentiously contentious contenders were quadriannually, semibiannually, trimonthly, bisesquimonthly, triskaidecahebdomadally, and nonagintaquotidianly.

While mired deep in a discussion concerning (a) which of the candidates above would fit most cleanly into a celebratory ode in trochaic heptameter commemorating the decision, (β) whether trochaic heptameter would truly manifest the magnanimity of spirit the decision embodied, and (ⅲ) who decided that this ridiculous system was the best compromise on the question of what types of list numbering to use, an intern dared to speak up and declaim, “Uh, since, like, y’know, you, um, aren’t, uh, ackchyually, y’know, uh, like, changing, like, the name, uh, of, like, the, like, journal, y’know, it, uh, doesn’t, like, um, uh, uh, it doesn’t, uh, matter, like, that much, like, y’know? Uh, yeah.”

The members of the Editorial Board who were present were left blinking, dumbfounded, and at a loss for words by this dazzling display, this enormous event, this stupendous speech act! An intern had somehow managed to scrape together enough gumption to personify itself🌍 and speak, unbidden, in a meeting of Editors! What audacity! What mettle! What the what How dare an intern even dream of interrupting an Editor!

I immediately and solemnly summoned Skip Tacular, Sr. Junior Editorial Associatein his formal rôle as SpecGram Minister of Intern(al) Affairsto handle this unprecedentedly damaging etiquettical crisisa crisis of prodigious proportions!

After a brief initial 75-day inquiry, the offending internone Jordan Urban Morgan Parker Hwǣtelēah-Hramsaīeġ,𒁹was relieved of all duties, flogged, flailed, flagellated, flacked, flayed, flitched, flamed, flambéed, andfinallyflushed. The Opprobrious J.U.M.P. is no more’tis but an ex-intern.𒈦

Our deliberation and concentration shattered, we nonetheless quickly regrouped𒐼 to pick up the metaphorical pieces𐂠 so that we could redirect and redouble our efforts, rededicated to the task at hand!𐂫 At that point the most senior Military Editor in SpecGram Towers, Chief Petty Officer (Ret.) Patʃriʃa “Patʃy Patty” Perspicuum, made a most brilliant observation. To wit, “Since we aren’t actually changing the name of the journal, it doesn’t matter that much.”

The members of the Editorial Board who were present were left blinking, smartlosted,𐃸 by this dazzling display, this enormous event, this stupendous speech act! What audacity!𐃐 What mettle!𐦝 What a breakthrough!

We immediately𐇬 dropped the question of the alternate designation for such a publication frequency and set about answering more important questions. Unfortunately,🌶 by this time noöne could remember what those more important questions might be,🍒 much less what answers we should provide to them.

Oh, well.

For those of you who are concerned about a potential dearth of SpecGram-related fun in 2022, let me direct your attention to equation (1),🍏 which demonstrates that while there will be somewhat fewer issues per year,🍔 we expect readers to experience somewhat more fun per issue, whichupon simplifying the equationresults in more-or-less the same amount of fun per year.

somewhat less🀃 fewer issues

moderately more fun

(somewhat fewer)

(moderately more) fun

fewer × 
less the
amount of)

If by some inconceivable🌔 turn of events, you were not left blinking and smartlosted🌖 by that dazzling display, that enormous event, that astounding algebraic actwhat audacity! what mettle! what math!🌘you may still find a deep solace in the SpecGram Archives.

More than 30 years in the making, our Archives offer the cumulative satirical superlativity of Speculative Grammarian all in one place, which should keep you out of trouble for at least a little while.

0 That’s a floggin’.

* And Not-So-Gentle Readers, too, of course. Shout out to all my homies in cell block [ə]! ⌜Aɒ× ¦¦ ᴗ̄HT× ¦¦ ∅V

The Music Interns and Historical Linguistics Interns have come to mild fisticuffs over whether or not this phrase is an allusion to one Blind Boy Grunt, as he is known in some circles. Of course such a claim is patent nonsense, as the phrase is demonstrably older than Elston Gunnn himself.

Being internsand thus often not given enough food, water, or lightthey have weak spindly limbs, raspy dehydrated voices, and large, round, light-averse eyes, so “mild fisticuffs” is likely as close to a knock-down, drag-out brawl as they are capable.

Technically, most interns are not able to perform photosynthesis. However, the Legal Internswho have regular allocations of semi-comestible victuals, potable swill, and a certain number of nanoacre-jiffies of light exposure written into their indenture employment contractshave argued convincingly in front of several eminent tribunals that the mere possibility of such is enough for exposure to light to constitute “adequate provision of sustenance” for “such contractually bound ‘student trainees’.”

“... whether natural, preternatural, paranatural, supernatural, subternatural, or contranatural”, as clarified in the out-of-court settlement of SpecGram v. Interns Jane Doe, John Doe, Doe II, Trey Doe, and Play Doe.

SpecGram has several interdisciplinary, interstate, international, and intergalactic patents on various types of nonsense, including ː176175, ❦⚜269766, ⰡⰁ465588, and ˦‌˥‌˧‌˩‌˨912152.

ǁ A re-presentative re-cital: re-new, re-novate, re-vise, re-furbish, re-cover, re-lax, re-store, re-flect, re-pent, re-ctify, re-fine, and re-spite.ǀ

ǀ On the other hand, if you think there is anything Speculative Grammarianrelated in particular that needs to be newed, novated, vised, furbished, covered, laxed, stored, flected, pented, ctified, fined, or spited, please do let us know.

ǂ To be honest, the rancor has even risen to the level of squabbling, though it pains me to have to admit it, as it brings shame onto the Editorial Board.ǃ

ǃ We felt so bad that several of us had to flog several interns several times during several debate sessions.ʘ

ʘ To be clear, we didn’t feel better because we flogged interns. Rather, we flogged interns because we felt badly, and we, severally, deserved to be punished for our inability to resolve our dispute; of course, with the high status conferred upon the Editorial Board within the girdle of the walls of SpecGram Towers, none dare lay hands on an Editornot even another Editor. Thus several internsfor once mostly blamelessserved as souffre-douleurs.

Well, of course, we actually did. But it’s not like that was the point.

As much as they can be, at least. There is an old saw that has fallen out of favor in these modern times: You should spank a boy every now and then; you won’t always know why, but he will. This may not be true of spanking and boys, but it is definitely true of flogging and interns.

Doing the requisite demonstrating is left as an exercise for the reader. C’mon, it’s not even a difficult exercise if you have access to Teh Google, you h4x0r, you!

The Sports Internyeah, there’s just the oneassured me this was a reasonable way to phrase this. But now I’m not sure. He is 87 years old, so maybe home skillet no longer knows his onions. Wack!

A debate made moot by the answer to issue (β)see above and/or belowand the soon-to-drop internical bombshell.

The Internet Interns have advised me that (1) internical is not a well-known word outside of SpecGram intern-flogging circles, (Ⅱ) internet queries for internical should be accompanied by –porn, to avoid “unwanted search results”, and (C) they enjoy using the Polyphasic Multi-Scriptoral Pseudo-Random List Labelling Algorithm.

Ha, haambiguity! We also have dedicated “intern flogging circle” spaces in SpecGram Towers! Cute! But, no, seriously, internical is a perfectly cromulent word.

It’s unclear to me why the Internet Interns would object to searching for a Thai name element that means “blessing”, but there you have it!

The Typography Interns and Internet Interns also came to mild fisticuffs (see fn. ) over the formatting of this sliver of footnote text. The Typography Interns insist that only an en dash looks good enough to publish, while the Internet Interns indicate that actually searching with an en–dash instead of a hyphen-minus does nothing to prevent porn results and in fact will invite further Thai blessings.

The Lexicography Interns felt the need to mention that scriptoral is also frequently misused on the internet when scriptural is intended, but they did not feel the further need to warn against “unwanted search results”. Curious, that.

By this point the List Labelling Internswho actually have to implement the Polyphasic Multi-Scriptoral Pseudo-Random List Labelling Algorithm as I dictateand the Footnote Internswho were somehow not delighted and amused by the whimsical set of footnote symbols I’ve employed todaywere on the edge of open revolt. A quick trip to a flogging circle soon calmed them down.

The Software Engineering Interns refuse to implement the Pseudo-Random part of the Polyphasic Multi-Scriptoral Pseudo-Random List Labelling Algorithm for the List Labelling Internsand there may have been a small trace of collusion between the Software Engineering Interns and the Math Interns, as the latter devised an algorithm that requires the List Labelling Interns to roll dice97½ d20, π d27, and i d43 to be exact. Acquiring dice with the unusual number of sides wasn’t so hard, but using a series expansion to emulate rolling 3.14159265358979323846... dice is very time consumingand don’t even get me started on the difficulties of rolling an imaginary number of dice!

Or, just as likely, simply ignored or mayhap never even received the pleas of their less prestigious brethren and sistren from aboard the party barge(, encore) they have chartered through the end of 2023.

It may strike the more egalitarian-minded among our readers (and the more muckrakingly-minded among our interns) that the seemingly unfair treatment of the Software Engineering Interns, Legal Interns, and other interns is in fact unfair. On the surface, (१) a multi-year charter of a party barge, (❷) regular allocations of semi-comestible victuals, potable swill, and a certain number of nanoacre-jiffies of light exposure, and (三) irregular allocations of quasi-comestible Füd-brand “Intern Chow” may seem incommensurate. However, as the Math Interns, and Economics Interns§ have explained “all interns are compensated as would be expected according to their relative exploitable value in an amoral capitalist milieu...” See, that sounds fairthere’s just more competition for Software Interns, so they get a few more “perks”.

Collectively known as the Lesser Interns.

Jeez, that does sound kinda bad seeing it written out like that. It should be the Clearly Inferior Interns.

With an open bar! /ʃwiːːːt/!

Who actually rate Füd++ Intern Chow 2.0“Now With Less Gravel!”

Alternatively pluralised as “Maths Intern” by some of the irredeemably British members of the Editorial Board.

§ Who have ridden on the coattails of the Legal Interns into the land of milk and honey.

Or at least the land of victuals, swill, and non-zero light exposure.

There was more about “inherent dignity and worth of the human person” and “equal and inalienable rights”; “rebellion against tyranny and oppression” and “the right to just and favorable remuneration”; “the right to rest and leisure” and “reasonable limitation of working hours”but the report was kind of long and I get bored easily.

Students of linguistics considering a computational career path would do well to heed the lessons herein.

The animosity may stem from a minor quibble between the Software Engineering Interns and the List Labelling Interns dating all the way back to 1874. That’s nuts, if you think about it, since barely half the current interns were even involved in the original bickering. Get over it, already!

To be fair, it may actually have risen on occasion to the level of a moderate squabble. For shame!

Just wait until certain specific Typography Interns find out about the very specific font requirements I specifically have in mind for various specific footnote symbols! Specifically delicious!

Oooooo... foreshadowing.

Though to be fair, it’s a very short shadowlike 11:59:53 a.m. short.

The Analog Instrumentation Interns advise me to remind youboth [+Gentle] and [–Gentle] Readers alike!that the previous comment makes certain assumptions that may not hold true, depending on your placement within your time zone.

I’m beginning to think that maybejust maybewe have too many interns at SpecGram Towers.

But not too many footnotes in this editorial!

Me have too much footnote? That’s unpossible!

Too many Simpsons references? No way! There are only three!

It so happens that the most heroic of the epic meters and the most epic of the heroic meters is anapestic enneakaidecameter. So, no, trochaic heptameter is not up to the job.

It turns out that, as with so many other unfortunate things in the Anglospherethe atrocity that is English spelling, the outcome of the American War of Independence, the unavoidable realization that indigenous British food is irredeemably blandwe can blame the French.

Determining the exact causal chain is left as an exercise for the motivated reader.

As is much too often the case in linguistic argumentation, no?

Actually ackchyually. M.A.Y.N.A.R.D., who transcribes all but the most trivial exchanges between Editors, has indicated that the intern’s “unwarrantedly supercilious internet nerd accent” was “represented as clear as Waterford Crystal in the F2, F3, F5, F7, F11, F13, and F17⦿ formants.”

So far, the most trivial Editorial exchange that M.A.Y.N.A.R.D. has preserved for posterity occurred between two Junior Apprentice Associate Assistant Hemi-Demi-Semi-Sub-Under-Editors who were belching at each other.

When chastised for wasting resources on such fiddle-faddle, M.A.Y.N.A.R.D. revealed that her analysis indicated that the two were in fact exchanging dirty limericks in Perry So-so.

Unknowingly! This epiphany provided massive support for Butch McBastard’s Universal Laziness™ framework, which holds that all interns, the vast majority of linguists, and all but a handful of SpecGram Editors are instinctually lazy, and need a steady supply of swift kicks in the backside to keep them motivated.

The Universal Laziness™ framework also posits a single movement ruleKick αsswhich is a movement that Butch McBastard is always ready and available to perform.

N.B., This is not a paid promotion.𝄞 M.A.Y.N.A.R.D. has roots in Ireland and is very fond of Waterford Crystal.

𝄞 However, M.A.Y.N.A.R.D. says she is not above considering offers.

That is, sys admins with root access to M.A.Y.N.A.R.D.’s core servers are in Dublin, Kilkenny, Killarney, Kildare, Kilcock, Kilcoole, and Balbriggan and have their fingers hovering over the kilswitch 24/7.

Not that M.A.Y.N.A.R.D. needs reminding. She’s a sweetie.

The Typography Interns inform me that I should have written S.W.E.E.T.I.E., but did not explain why.

The Acronym Interns inform me that S.W.E.E.T.I.E. stands for “Sentient Weaponized Existentially Exterminatory Terror-Inducing Entity”. How cute!

Have I mentioned that I think we might have too many interns?

The Footnote Interns, inform me that I have and/or will have mentioned it. See fn. .

I suppose that, based on their assistance in this case, the Footnote Interns will not be the first up against the wall, come the Revolution.

Depending on your preferred traversal algorithm.

Though, to be honest, this is Algorithmic Correctness run amok. Depth-first is obviously the only thing that remotely makes any kind of sense.

⦿ All of which are prime formants for conveying such information.


That’s, like, uh, complete gibberish, right? Hah. Too much parole and not enough langue.

A number of Senior Members of the Editorial Board have bristled a bit at the notion of being dumbfounded. While etymologically inaccurate, an alternativesmartlostedhas gained some currency among Senior Members of the Editorial Board.

On the other hand, what isn’t etymologically inaccurate, amirite?

As any savvy linguist knows, young women are the real leaders in linguistic change. And so, using the Editorial Rainy Day Fund, we may have contracted with the Γραμματο-Χαοτικον to spread this innovation among that population. Coming soon to a teenybopper near you!

Assets under management: $1.2 trillion.

The Economic Interns indicate that we have a fiduciary duty to divulge that assets are denominated in Zimbabwean dollars, but is that really binding?

The Legal Interns indicate that we may also have a legal duty to divulge this information, so I guess so.

The Ethics Interns claim we most certainly have an ethical duty to divulge this information, but who asked them?

The Philosophical Interns have started fighting with the Ethical Interns over the differenceif anybetween an ethical duty and a moral duty. It has not yet risen to the level of mild fisticuffs (see fn. ), but the Intern-Wrangling Meta-Interns are keeping a sharp eye out.

And/or the Intern Pension Fund.,

The Ethics Interns and Philosophical Interns have expressed deep concern over that footnote, but the Legal Interns and Contractual Interns have told them in no uncertain terms to get stuffed.

In a legally non-confessatorial manner.

In a legally non-confessatorial manner.

In a legally non-confessatorial manner.

It may technically have been moxie or even spunk.

Until the full results of the Inquest Committee are published, it will be impossible to say with any certainty.

The planned publication date is the day after the last of the JFK assassination records are released by the US National Archives.🐙

🐙 What conspiracy?

🌍 Why would I use itself when referring to an intern?, I hear you ask.🌎 You are somewhat impertinent🌏 for asking, but the explanation is simpleand probably not what you think.🌙 It’s a habitual calque from Classical Rongorongo, which is the Lingua Rongorongo of SpecGram Inter____🌛 Editorial Meetings. In Classical Rongorongo, the lesser of the Lesser Interns are in the noun class for “nonhuman nonsentient property”, and somewhat less lesser of the Lesser Interns are in the noun class for “demihuman semisentient property”. See also fn. .

🌎 My hearing is pretty good, but not that good. How about yours? Have you, Dear Reader, ever heard of SHRLI? Getting in on the ground floor of that game was one of the best financial surveillance oligarchical fieldwork decisions I ever made!

🌏 It may have been insolent or even impudent. See fn. .

🌙 Unless you think Editors in general don’t worry much about dehumanizing interns, in which case it probably is what you think.

🌛 We use “Inter____” because we have so many formally distinct types of meetings, including: Interatomic, Intermolecular, Intercellular, Interneuronal, Intermedullary, Intercerebral, Intervocalic, Interclausal, Intersentential, Interdiscursive, Interlingual, Intercollegiate, Interdepartmental, Interdisciplinary, Interpersonal, Intertribal, Intercity, Interstate, Interregional, Interinstitutional, Interagency, Intergovernmental, International, Intergenerational, Intercultural, Interspecies, Interbellum, Intercontinental, Interhemispheric, Interplanetary, Interstellar, Intergalactic, Interjectional, inter alia.

It may have been cheek or even chutzpah. See fn. .

It may have been fortitude or even grit. See fn. .

As if interns could actually ideate, much less dream. The general consensus among members of the Editorial Board is that interns are actually philosophical zombies.

In point of fact, it’s so much worse. The intern interrupted multiple Editors, who were in the middle of very important businessnamely, interrupting each other! Interns should not interrupt an Editor’s speech nor an Editor’s silencenot even an Editor’s eructation!

To bring a moment of levity to this dire happening, etiquettical is indeed quite fun to sayetiquettical, etiquettical, etiquettical, etiquettical, etiquettical! However, it is not a fun type of crisis to brave.

Semantic satiation, semantic satiation, semantic satiation, semantic satiation, semantic satiation!

Such prodigious, problematic, improprietous proportionspreventing professional progress, producing improportionate problems, and prohibiting productivitywithout prospect, prognosis, or proposal for prospective preclusion of such an improper processes. J’ai protesté!

a.k.a., “The Opprobrious J.U.M.P.”, I am told. Not that I was familiar with this appellation. Perhaps the name was used among the other interns, though I doubt it. More likely, The Opiniastrous J.U.M.P. was merely a “legend in its𒀸 own mind”.

𒀸 See fn. 🌍.

𒁹 Of þe olde Huntingdonshire Hwǣtelēahe and þe ġeonge Ben Rhydding Hramsaīeġa, both formerly respectable families.

𒈦 Rumor is that after J.U.M.P.ing ship from SpecGram, the nasty little brat got an eight-figure𒈫 executive position at Mommy & Daddy’s pogo stick conglomerate. Sellout!

𒈫 Addended rumors indicate that while Mommy & Daddy dote on the demented little J.U.M.P.er, Granny Hwǣtelēah and Pappy Hramsaīeġ were less impressed and demoted their disreputable demonic descendant to Sub-Executive Auxiliary Ipsomobile Chaperon,𒀼 moving the relevant decimal point four places leftward!

𒀼 That is, the person in charge of holding an umbrella over the head of the parking lot attendant, who is actually doing useful work.

𒐼 And how quickly! We slashed our standard Post-Incident Sabbatical for affected Editors from 90 days to 87 days, pared down the Pre–Post-Incident Sabbatical Travel Period from 21 days to 19, abridged the Post–Post-Incident Sabbatical Travel Period from 28 days to 31,𐂂 shortened the slack time between the Post–Post-Incident Sabbatical Travel Period and the Post–Post–Post-Incident Sabbatical Travel Period Gala from 14 days to 13, and brutally, brutally hacked the approval rate of exceptions, extensions, and exaggerations from 114% to 83%.

𐂂 While going from 28 days to 31 may not seem like much of a reduction, the Math Interns have pointed out that the reduction is –3 days, and –3 is a very low number of days, indeed. Quod Erat Demonstrandum.

𐂠 And some literal pieces. Several of the good whisk(e)y snifters were dropped during the original event.

𐂫 Or, in the the case of Names Editor Louisa “Left-Foot” Loupez (née Wolfson)(in)famous onomasticienne and dodectuple amputeethe task at foot.

𐃸 i.e., dumbfounded. You did read fn. , didn’t you? You aren’t skipping the footnotes, are you?

𐃐 Bodacious!

𐦝 Metal!𐦐

𐦐 As long as we’re here, you might as well take this opportunity to refresh your understanding of the difference between an emoji (🤘, in this context) and an emoticon ( \m/ ).𐦃

𐦃 The Internet Interns inform us that this is an incredibly important distinction, perhaps on par with the distinctions between langue and parole, or between competence and performance.𐦉, 𐇯

𐦉 For the record, I doubt they are correct.𐦖

𐦖 In fact, I have no doubt they are incorrect.

𐇯 One is of course reminded of the famous line from T.S. Ellipsis—

Between the langue and the parole ...
Between the competence and the performance ...
Falls the Shadow Pronoun ...𐇑

𐇑 I can’t help myself now.𐇡 The final lines of the poem never fail to send shivers down my spine:

This is the way the word ends ...
This is the way the word ends ...
This is the way the word ends ...
Not with an interrobang but a whisper ...

𐇡 Well, of course I could help myself, but I don’t want to.𐇜

𐇜 I don’t even want to want to!

𐇬 Well, as immediately as possible, after a break for refreshments as is required in truly civilized proceedings; we kept it to a minimal and barely sufficient two weeks.

My favorite, though, is still triskaidecahebdomadally, combining as it does the lucky seven and unlucky thirteen, with the former having synecdochically shed most of its numerical meaning and the later retaining just a hint of its infamous phobia, alluding to the subtle unease we all may feel during this transition.

The Software Engineering Interns informed us this is sometimes called “bike shedding”. We suspended their party barge rental and had them all flogged for their impudence.

After much smirking, sneering, and snickering from the sidelines, the Etymology Interns and the Internet Interns both informed us that “bike shedding” is indeed a term of art in software engineering. We suspended their Füd-brand “Intern Chow” allocations and had them all flogged for their impudence.🍄

How embarrassing for them.

🍄 The Etymology Interns were flogged somewhat less severely and had their Füd allocations suspended for a somewhat shorter duration because they confessed first and ratted out the Internet Interns.🍕

🍕 It’s important to keep the Lesser Interns at each others’ throats, if only just a little. If they were to band together they could increase their collective might a hundred-fold, and become ever-so-slightly annoying.

🌶 Ackchyually, it was arguably more fortunate than unfortunate.

🍒 The Meeting Interns suggested that we should have provided an agenda for the meeting, “So that this kind of thing couldn’t happen.”🍇

🍇 Technically, they were correct,🍍 but we couldn’t let that kind of impudence stand, so we had them schedule a meeting with themselves, and provide an agenda. The agenda did not mention that there would be flogging, and yet, there was flogging. Funny how that worked out.

🍍 The best kind of correct.

🍏 Mmmmmm, equations... smells like science!

🍔 It may improve your orientation🌭 toward the situation to consider instead that we are offering new issues at a rate of slightly more than 766.113 per pebi-light-mile.

🌭 Right ascension 05h 55m 10.30536s, declination +07° 24′ 25.4304″.🌮

🌮 /ˈbiːtəldʒuːz/! /ˈbɛtəldʒuːz/! /ˈbiːtəldʒuːs/!

If you actually summon anything, you are on your own.

Because (𝔄) issues are likely to be somewhat longer and thus contain more fun, (𝟚) you, Dear Reader, will have considerably longer to spend jonesing for each new issue, and () the decreased frequency of publication will increase your humor satiation threshold.

No relation.

HuMOr SaTIatiON, hUmor sAtiatioN, HuMOr SAtiaTioN, huMoR SAtIATion, HUmOr SatIATIOn!

Computational linguists, formal semanticists, visiting physicists, and others who are good with algebra, formal logic, lambda calculus, “regular” calculus, etc., keep your traps shut!

Your check is in the mail!

Metaphorically speaking. Practically speaking, it’s right here! Just simplify the following logical formula to Exclusive-or Sum-of-Products form to generate a code to use when you renew your subscription and get 0.0075% OFF!

b) ∧ (a b)) (¬(a b) ⇒ ¬(a b))) ∧ b) (¬b ⇒ ¬((¬(a b) ∧ (a b)) (¬(a b) ⇒ ¬(a b))))






If, for some reason, you feel that you will not experience or have not experienced the same amount of fun under the new publication regimeeven though we specifically requested itplease note that subscription fees are not changing.🀂

You say /ˈɹeɪʒiːm/, I say /ɹəˈʒiːm/, you say /ˈdɛz.pɒt/, I say /ˈdɛs.pət/let’s call the whole thing off.🃏

🃏 In this scenario you would still need to pay your entire subscription fee. No refunds!🀀

🀀 If you don’t like it, re-read your subscription contract!🀁

🀁 You did read your subscription contract, didn’t you? You aren’t skimming your contract, are you?

🀂 See fn. 🀀.

🀃 The mass/count distinction in English is really harshing my mellow, man.

🀄 It🀅 really isn’t winning any friends here, is it?

🀅 And by “it” (see fn. 🀄) of course I mean “the mass/count distinction in English” (see fn. 🀃).

🀙 Recursion.🀙

🀐 Mutual recursion.🌒

🌒 Mutual recursion.🀐

🌔 Yes, that word means exactly what I think it means.

🌖 It’s growing on me, I think. How about you?

🌘 Specifically, “math and/or math by-products”.

At least 10% more, as of 2021!

Holy crap, I’m old!

Letters to the Editor
SpecGram Vol CXCI, No 3 Contents