SpecGram—That Tenured Man—Found among the papers of Dr. Theodor Geisel by Sheri Wells-Jensen

This recently-discovered document may explain how and why Dr. Geisel transitioned from a promising career in academia to successful employment as a writer of medium-length rhymed verse. It is additionally hypothesized that this early, unfinished manuscript may have been revised and incorporated into another, slightly lengthier, narrative later in his professional life.

That Tenured Man! That Tenured Man! I do not like that Tenured Man.

Do you have a research plan?

I do not have one, Tenured Man. I do not have a research plan.

Could you write one here or there?

I cannot write one here or there. I cannot write one anywhere.

I do not have a research plan. I do not have one, Tenured Man.

Could you write one by this June? Could you finish very soon?

I cannot write one by this June! I cannot finish very soon.

I cannot write one here or there. I cannot write one anywhere.

I do not have a research plan. I do not have one, Tenured Man.

Could you write one in a week? Could it be in Ancient Greek?

Not in a week. Not Ancient Greek!

Not by this June. Not very soon!

I cannot write one here or there. I cannot write one anywhere.

I do not have a research plan. I do not have one, Tenured Man.

Would you? Could you? With this pen? I’ll give it to you! Write one then!

I cannot do it with that pen!

You might write one! Don’t say can’t! You might write one with a grant!

I would not, could not with a grant! Not with that pen! I simply can’t!

I cannot write one in a week. I do not even know much Greek.

I cannot write it by this June. I will not finish very soon.

I cannot write one here or there. I cannot write one anywhere.

I do not have a research plan. I do not have one, Tenured Man.

A course release! A course release! Could you, with a course release?

There’s no release! There is no grant! And, shove that pen! I can’t! I can’t!

I cannot write one in a week. I do not know one word of Greek!

I cannot write one by this June! I will not finish very soon.

I cannot write one here or there. I cannot write one anywhere.

I do not have a research plan. I do not have one, Tenured Man.

Say! In your house? Here, in your house!

Would you, could you, in your house?

I do not work well in my house.

Could you if you had some peace?

I will not ever find much peace. Not in my house. No course release.

Not with that pen. Not on a grant. I cannot write a plan; I can’t.

Not by this June. Not in a week. Not very soon. Screw Ancient Greek.

I cannot write one here or there. I cannot write one anywhere!

I do not have a research plan! I do not have one, Tenured Man.

Could you, would you, in the dorm?

I would not, could not, in the dorm!

Would you like to use this form?

I do NOT want to use that form! I rarely enter any dorm.

I do not have a course release. I cannot find a moment’s peace.

Not in my house! Not on a grant! Not with that pen! I really can’t!

I cannot write one in a week. I never even studied Greek!

I cannot write it by this June. I will not finish very soon.

I cannot write one here or there. I cannot write one ANYWHERE!

I do not have a research plan! I do not have one, Tenured Man.

You do not have one, so you say. Maybe you should GO AWAY...

	Linguimericks, Etc.—Book ४६
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	SpecGram Vol CLXXX, No 2 Contents