Letters to the Editor SpecGram Vol CLXXX, No 2 Contents That Tenured Man—Found among the papers of Dr. Theodor Geisel by Sheri Wells-Jensen

Linguimericks, Etc.
Book ४६

A linguist with ethics quite crippled
Taught shirtless, chest ripped and not dimpled.
And his accentless French
Gave young women a wrench,
So enrollment in his class quadrupled.
—Hester Fester-Münsterfenster

Urging linguists to chase academia
When the job market’s suff’ring anemia—
It may seem a bit cruel,
But it fills the grad schools—
And they always find jobs in print media!
—α-Betty Abū Gida

Some disciplines’ students, all agogs,
Must be herded like cats or wild dogs,
But in linguistics, I fear,
They just sit far or near
And stare like a field of stone frogs.
—Недостаточно Денег

All the notes, when my novel was sent back,
Urged I burn it complete and sans redact.
So I published my fiction
With massive encryption
As a textbook on generative syntax.
—Pumptilian Perniquity

As for testing I’ve found this conundrum.
So I’m sharing this short memorandum:
Easy teststrong kids ace;
Better testweak kids lace up their boots and run away.
Now my questions are paralyzed humdrum.
—H.D. Onesimus

There once was a student of diachroný
Who encountered Huastecan with glee
Until finding one day
The transcriptions weren’t IPA
And had to redo the whole family tree.
—Mannfrum van Tuckett

Sow ideas in dust
Made fertile by student toil
Reap lead authorship
—Lauren Ipsum

Perseverance of the Phonetics Student
I’m sure there’s no good reason why
I can’t see in my mouth with my eye;
I believe I can do it
If I put my mind to it—
You never can tell ’til you try.
—P. Ublekkdeaux Meign

Letters to the Editor
That Tenured ManFound among the papers of Dr. Theodor Geisel by Sheri Wells-Jensen
SpecGram Vol CLXXX, No 2 Contents