Dear Editors,

I can’t believe the SpecGram Ministry of Propaganda has been resuscitated! Why have you allowed such a travesty of justice to occur? The MoP goaded many young scholars into action in the Great Linguistic War. While the physical damage was moderate—Chornsky’s Histoire claims the worst injury suffered was a nasty paper cut—the emotional and professional devastation was calamitous! Friendships strained, tenure delayed, papers relegated to inappropriately lesser journals, dissertations improperly footnoted, conversation at department mixers rendered irretrievably awkward... the list goes on and on for several more items.

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Dear Editors,

I can’t believe the SpecGram Ministry of Propaganda has been resuscitated! Why has it taken so long for this benison to be bestowed? The MoP goaded many young scholars into action in the Great Linguistic War. I myself joined the Sister- ’n’ Daughter-nodes’ Well-formed Action Verb Exclamatory Stratum (SnDWAVES), which led to a career in the linguistic military. Friendships strengthened, tenure granted, papers published in prestigious journals, dissertations recursively footnoted, conversations at department mixers rendered irresistibly appealing... the list goes on and on without end!

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Dear Wavy & Gurgly,

It’s clear that different people have had different reactions to the Ministry of Propaganda over the years—though you two are among the most extreme on the sentiment continuum. The MoP did in fact goad many young scholars into action in the Great Linguistic War—for better or worse. We hope that the [+historical] value of the recovered ephemera will outweigh any [-nostalgia] feelings they may evoke. They are an encapsulation of a moment (±2) in history.

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Dear Speculative Grammarian,

I found your reductionist take on linguistic theories in the August issue to be an affront to academia, disrespectful to me personally, and an insult to “journalism”.

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Dear SpecGram,

I found your reductionist take on linguistic theories in the August issue to be an affront to my funders, disrespectful to me personally, and an insult to “journalism”.

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Eds,

I found your reductionist take on linguistic theories in the August issue to be an affront to my professor, disrespectful to my professor, and an insult to “journalism”.

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Dear Specky G,

I found your reductionist take on linguistic theories in the August issue to be an affront to my academia, disrespectful to my professor, and generally hilarious! Keep up the great journalism.

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To the Divine Ms. M.² and those other Hairy Gross Prats,

You are ¾ of an affront to academia. We leave “doing the math” as an exercise for the reader.

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Speculative Grammarian accepts well-written letters commenting on specific articles that appear in this journal or discussing the field of linguistics in general. We also accept poorly-written letters that ramble pointlessly. We reserve the right to ridicule the poorly-written ones and publish the well-written ones... or vice versa, at our discretion.