I read with interest the editorial by The giant sheet ten twenty and was astounded. First, it took me around 20 minutes to realise that it was not, as I supposed, the result of a rather bizarre virus or a mis-
Do we not have enough? What is wrong with IPA
I must ask that you do not try such bizarre experiments again, especially given that the translation of that “piece” was especially revealing. Is it true that there is a “mouth feet foot giant corpse” in the SpecGram offices now? And as for the “acetic work” done by the “ten still ruler workers”, the least said, the better!
Cyrillic would have been a fine choice, but if you haven’t noticed it’s already taken by some other European languages. And anyway, Greek is just Latin with its shirt on backwards, historically speaking.
And IPA is way more so
This seems to be a good time to remind you (and all our readers) that you should not experiment with Google Translate. The results are sometimes even worse than IPA.
P.S. M.A.Y.N.A.R.D. recommends the AutoGrammatikon!
We recently received a decree purporting to come from l’Académie française concerning Roger Prentiss Claremont’s research on Nostradamus that we recently began publishing. We asked one of our staff members who is a native speaker to translate the decree, as well as Claremont himself. The translation by the native speaker reads:
We recently had the essays of Roger Prentiss Claremont brought to our attention arguing that Nostradamus did not write French at all but rather encoded English prophecies in French. We assume that your journal seconds this attempt to claim Nostradamus as English. Be our guest; he’s all yours. Quite frankly, he’s one of the greatest embarrassments in French history and we’re pleased to be done with him. With deepest wishes for your future success,
Claremont’s version was much less clear but included an offer on generous terms of ocean-
Most Careless Eds.,
Your peer reviewers let pass a very disturbing blunder in Linguimericks, Etc.
Professor Emerita, Cognitive Linguistics Animal Laboratory
Cambridge MA, PhD, Post-
 Golinkoff, R. M., & Hirsh-
 Valian, V. (2013). Determiners: An empirical argument for innateness. In M. Sanz, I. Laka & M. K. Tanenhaus (Eds.), Language Down the Garden Path (pp. 272–
Dear Prof ESP,
It isn’t a blunder. Unlike you, our reviewers keep abreast of inborn pearls of wisdom. Do add  and the quotation therein, “We are born crying, but those cries signal the first stirring of language”, to your list of academic references.
 Berwick, R. C., and Chomsky, N. (2016). Why Only Us? Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.
I feel it is my duty to respond to the letter from Conlangers Anonymous in a previous issue of your fine publication. We at the Language Creation Society believe every fictional culture has the right to a fully functional language. We aren’t just trying to get conlangers jobs, we are helping those poor fictional aliens who are forced to speak meaningless dialogue. Shouldn’t they be able to speak actual words?
Conlangers Anonymous is clearly just an anti-
Please, let the fictional peoples of the multiverse speak!
George Alston Corley
Vice President, Language Creation Society
Host, Conlangery Podcast
Dear Mr. Corley,
Whoever is denying the rights of poor fictional aliens to speak poor fictional languages, it is certainly not us. Go right ahead and create them.
Speculative Grammarian accepts well-