Dear Boys and Girls,

Two months ago you returned my latest submission. To the sentence that read, “And so it is clear that Chomskyans, failed clowns, and undiagnosed schizophrenics [your emphasis] must be registered by the Department of Health and Human Services to prevent further misappropriations of these funding programs under the Vocational Rehabilitation Act of 1973,” you made a note to the emphasized part reading, “Please avoid redundancy in the future.” Please note that in your October 2016 issue, Associate Editor Mikael Thompson wrote, “their language did not resemble Ancient Greek, proto-Turkic, ... Sumerian, or Ainu” (emphasis added). After you, Alphonse.

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Dear Sniffly,

Very clever, that. Addressing us as “boys and girls”, you know. Sort of missed the point, didn’t you?

Do some more reading and try again. Better yet, do some thinking.

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Speculative Grammarian accepts well-written letters commenting on specific articles that appear in this journal or discussing the field of linguistics in general. We also accept poorly-written letters that ramble pointlessly. We reserve the right to ridicule the poorly-written ones and publish the well-written ones... or vice versa, at our discretion.

Dear Eds,

I was just wondering, does anybody actually use “buffalo” as a verb in any context other than “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo”?

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Dear B’Bill,

We could answer but we would be bison our response on our own experience and we wouldn’t want you to be cowed by that. It behoofs you to duodenum-ber of scholars have done in the past and ruminate some more—so don’t be oxen us again later.

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Dear Ma’ams/Sirs/Kiddies,

In your latest editorial, your gloriously butch bastard wrote, “Our brains want the world to be digital, despite its deeply enduring analog nature. So that’s that sorted.” How very digital of him!

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