Boundless Things You Didn’t Know You Didn’t Know—Madalena Cruz-Ferreira SpecGram Vol CLXXIII, No 4 Contents Will the Real Linguists Please Stand Up?—Prof. Trent Slater

An Early Exemplar of “Ye Olde Baite of Yon Clicke”

X. Kuvador, R. Kialugist, and Pael E. O’Ntolojiss

While many today lament the imminent demise of the English language (Hat 2006), the corrupting influence of western culture (Bolson 2014), and the amorality of advertising and the pursuit of the mighty dollar (Board 2010), it is nonetheless clear to the classically educated scholar (Plaid’oh 2009) that, really, there is nothing new under the sun (van der Meer 2013).

A recent excursion into the darkest recesses of the Hall of Lost Philological Manuscripts in the Lukkitha Sizathat Graduate Library on the campus of the Varrie X. Pensive College of the Remunerative Arts has revealed a 13th c. “language enhancement” advertisement, the form of which will be familiar to the modern surfer of internets.

The document, apparently cut from an unknown codex, features an artificially eye-catching image and an exhortation to attention couched in the promise of unrealistic self-improvement. The original image was badly degraded and the advertising copy was in an annoyingly early Latin vernacular. Fortunately we were able to restore the image to all of its garish glory with the Restorical Image Enhanculator 4000, and the text was translated for us by a good friend and colleague (M.A.Y.N.A.R.D. 2015).

The restored result is presented below.

Forsooth! Discoverest thou that which this one uncanny consignification will do unto the magnitude of thy grammar!


Boundless Things You Didn’t Know You Didn’t KnowMadalena Cruz-Ferreira
Will the Real Linguists Please Stand Up?Prof. Trent Slater
SpecGram Vol CLXXIII, No 4 Contents