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Field Guide to Translation and Interpreting Research Species

Prof. Trent Slater
Professor, Reconstructivist Alter-Cognitive Translatology
University of Revyoo’ertou

Following the sterling work evident in earlier field guides to linguistics, I felt it to be my duty to further the cause of Translation and Interpreting Studiesi by enlightening linguistics scholars as to the nature of the fauna of this field. I will limit my remarks, for the moment, to the behaviour and grazing patterns of the species represented in the limited but repeated ecosystems generated by the need to periodically gather different species together in conferencia. While anthropo-ecologists such as C. d’Eorwyn (1975) have described the rationale for these events as cross-pollination and the germination of new ideas, the description below will demonstrate why this hypothesis is flawed. In fact, despite the great personal and institutional cost invested in the research for this guide,ii I have not yet managed to surmise a consistent reason for such gatherings. Hopefully, this guide will be used to further research in this regard.

Genus Cogitatus
Species: Frustratus


A rather rare creature in the modern field, especially among the conferencii interpretingii-based species, C. Frustratus nevertheless is often found in places where a dearth of empirical data and a plentiful supply of controversy combine with a low count of “out-of-conference relevance.” Calls of C. Frustratus are normally long and breathless, with most individuals combining the “D-rr-da” onset sound with the terminal “Foo-coh.” Members of C. Frustratus are currently endangered within large tracts of the habitat. Efforts to increase their numbers have been defied by their aversion to mixing with other species found in conferencia or even with members of their own species using other calls.

Genus Professionalia
Species: Frustratus


Not to be confused with the aforementioned C. Frustratus, P. Frustratus do not readily mix with C. Frustratus and in fact find them unintelligible. However, like C. Frustratus, P. Frustratus is a comparatively rare sight. Mostly, individuals of this species can be classified as “bacchalarii fuga subtracti.” Individuals therefore appear in the field only once or twice in their entire lifespan and spend much of this time emitting loud moans and muttering about the uselessness of theory.

Genus Professionalia
Species: Convertatus


P. Convertatus is a strange species indeed. While related to the above P. Frustratus due to common lineage in the coursal plains, morphology suggests that P. Convertatus branched off from P. Frustratus at the point when theory was first introduced into their common diet. While P. Frustratus found themselves allergic to theory and thus immune to its gastrointestinal effects (see Ruminating on Consonants and n-Bar Theory), P. Convertatus found themselves dependent on theory. This lead to pronounced behavioural changes. Thus, P. Convertatus can be distinguished by their continual use of email to Clientus Payingiana, from whom they seem to derive much nourishment, and by their derision for any material produced that cannot be reutilised outside of the in conferencia environment.

Genus Methodologicus
Species: Rex / Pauvritania


These two species represent opposite ends of the in conferencia hierarchy. The first, M. Rex, draw nourishment from the rearrangement, criticism and predation of the tools and processes used by other species to produce the material needed for their inclusion in the in conferencia environment. Their natural and easiest prey is thus M. Pauvritania, who, through inadequate application of material hunter/gathering techniques, find themselves in the environment without sufficient defence. Encounters between M. Rex and M. Pauvritania are common and bloody. It is recommended that new researchers in the field avoid environments where such confrontations are especially likely, such as conferencii corpusii studii, conferencii cognitivium and conferencii pedagogicui.

Genus Plenarius
Species: Ghestivius


At least two members of this species are found in each in conferencia environment, in fact, many researchers such as Paypair, Cutt and Payne (1990) see the presence of P. Ghestivius as the single most important characteristic in the constitution of such an environment. P. Ghestivius therefore occupy a vital place in the environment, even if this is outside the hierarchy constituted by the opposition of M. Rex and M. Pauvritania. P. Ghestivius are always treated with respect by other species in the environment, being afforded the best seats both in the environment proper and in the ensuing feeding frenzy. They are accorded the role of addressing all gathered individuals and often do so with the use of colourful materials and expansive gestures. It is unknown whether they do so to enhance their own standing or simply because this behaviour is socially conditioned.

In creating this guide, I have attempted to only provide those species that are present in a range of in conferencia environments, ranging from those defined by their thematic content (such as conferencii corpusii studii above) and those defined by their location. Further study is needed to describe those species that are unique to single environments.


d’Eorwyn, C (1975), A Theory on the Origin of Translation and Interpreting Species, Trouser Press: Lower Standards, Penn

Paypair, NE, Cutt, AO and Payne, T, (1990), “P. Ghestivius: An Introductory Exploration,” Journal of the International Association of International Associations of International Associations, (15:2). pp. 1-100.

i Despite my previous work in this september journal proving that translation is impossible.

ii My university flew me to several expensive conferences; I broke a nail flicking through conference brochures and spilled coffee on my crotch before a four-hour panel on pre-Columbian logo-bicentric translation practices seen through the lens of Peircian semiotics.

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SpecGram Vol CLXVII, No 1 Contents