Letters to the Lawyers

A Letter from the Managing Editor

As a general rule, the editors and publishers of Speculative Grammarian are happy enough to print opposing viewpoints. Thus we have included in this issue the ellipsis-related screed “On the Correct Usage of the Ellipsis,” by Darius D. Dolesworthy, Otis Oswald Ott, and T. Thadeus Theotokopoulis of the Benton Institute of Gnostical Rectitude and Carwash, in response to the recent revolutionary innovation, the SpecGram ⅔ Ellipsis™© (“More than a Comma.. Less than a Semicolon!℠®”). It is only in our support of words we find abhorrent that we show our true allegiance to the principles of free expression and the open exchange of ideas.

That said, we cannot abide the slanderous libel and libelous slander promulgated by the despicable journal that allowed these idiots to have their say, apparently without vetting or fact checking of any kind. To wit, SpecGram never has been nor ever shall be “available exclusively online”. What sense would that make? A journal isn’t really a journal unless it involves the murder and mutilation of defenseless trees and the production and spillage of several metric tons of toxic ink, n’est-ce pas?

The hubris of D.D.D., O.O.O., and T.T.T. is clear: they have mistakenly assumed that whatever relative expertise they have in Gnostical Rectitude and Carwashing might extend to every (or even any) other area of intellectual inquiry. Perhaps they have something meaningful to say about ellipses—though their present effort casts some doubt on that proposition. In any event, they don’t know much of anything about Speculative Grammarian. All three have been repeatedly denied subscriptions to SpecGram over the years. They are thus personally unaware of the regular print edition of this august journal, which includes significantly more content than the online sample we publish each month—typically three to eight times as much.

Thus we are reluctantly compelled to take legal action against these so-called “scholars” and the scandalous rag that printed their absurd claims, to prevent the unnecessary sullying of our collective good name. We are also forced by our whole-hearted support of free intellectual exchange to mount a legal defense against the inevitable lawsuits that publishing unpopular ideas entails.

Interestingly but unrelatedly, several of SpecGram’s senior sociolinguists specializing in legal jargon have begun a study of the sociopragmatics of various kinds of cackling among attorneys retained by academic journals, with a focus on slander suits and libel litigation. So far, “greedy”, “avaricious”, “wolfish”, “mercenary”, “money-grubbing” and “easy boat payment” cackles have been identified.

With that, I offer hearty congratulations to the Chiasmus of the Month Award winner for November 2010!

Denise E. Murray (ed.), 2008, Planning Change, Changing Plans. Innovations in Second Language Teaching, University of Michigan Press. Chiasmus of the Month November 2010

	Letters to the Editor
	SpecGram Vol CLX, No 2 Contents