Naming Practices Among the
von­Williams­Xerxes­Yoyo­Zyzygyville Elite

Helgi von Helganschtein Searsplainpockets &
Claudette von Helganschtein Searsplainpockets
Independent Scholars

Around 300 years ago a small town in southern Europe was founded by an onomastically gifted robber baron named, improbably, Alexander Boberto Carolingian Dante Ebcdic Filippo Gustavo Heinrich Ignacio Joseph Ke7en Lucifer Modulus Nigel Odzilla Pascal Quim Roberto Susan Trois Ulysses von Williams-Xerxes-Yoyo-Zyzygy.

The capricious von Williams-Xerxes-Yoyo-Zyzygy (hereafter, vWXYZ) had built his fortune selling resurrectionist franchises under the brand name Die Qwikersnätschen, and contracting out specialist surgeons to extract vocal tracts from freshly acquired cadavers for use by mad linguisticians, eccentric anatomists, and garden-variety philologers.

Alexander took ten wives who, on average, bore him 2.6 children each, named—chronologically—Alice, Bob, Carol, Dan, Ebenezer, Frediwin, Gus, Henry, Ignacia, Josephine, KVIIIlyn, Lucy, Médulla, Nиɴa, Oφelia, Pρudence, Qimiϙo, Rея, Siouxsie, Trißh, Ualkyrie, Van, Wilhelmina, Xerxerxes, Yoyolonda, and Zizziggy.

As bigamy—much less decagamy—was not generally tolerated, Alexander used his vast wealth to found his own town, which he named von­Williams­Xerxes­Yoyo­Zyzygyville (vWYZville, hereafter)—so no one would forget who was in charge.

Alexander’s daughter Alice was the first to have children of her own, who she named Aaron, Abby, and AcDc.

Bob named his children Balthazar, B’barbara, Bcuz, Bdwong, and Beth.

At this point the pattern that had been established greatly amused Alexander, and the younger vWXYZ children followed suit, for fear of being written out of Alexander’s will.

When the first vWXYZ grandchildren were born to Aaron, he named them Aaaron, Aabbyy, Aactavia, and Aaddaamm. Aabbyy considered herself lucky to be able to follow the familial naming norms while naming her second daughter, Aabbyy II, after herself.

One of the most fertile vWXYZ descendants was Abcdarium—son of Abby, daughter of Alice—who had a stunning thirty-six children. Several of those children also had quite large numbers of offspring. Though, after several generations, the urge to procreate so productively was lost, according to Abc123­babyu’n’me, the youngest member of the line.

Alexander’s son Gus’s line to this day has only produced male offspring. Gus’s grandson, Gggreg, was believed to have special powers, as were Gggreg’s son Gggglen and grandson Gggggustavo.

The eldest child of the eldest child has long been expected to be a natural leader, after Alice became the first elected mayor of vWXYZville upon Alexander’s death. Her descendants have held the position since, up to the current mayor Aaaaaaaaaaron vWXYZ, who took over the position from his mother, Aaaaaaaaalice.

All who marry into the family, male and female, are expected to take the vWXYZ name, and those so-named make up ~12.3456789% of the current-day population of vWXYZville.

In spite of these relatively small demographic numbers, the family and their mystique hold considerable sway within vWXYZville. The town council has thus far ignored every petition to simplify the official name of the municipality, citing “generational linguistic integrity”. There are also rumors that some members of the council receive kickbacks for awarding several municipal signage contracts that charge by the letter—though such rumors are hard to verify. Tourists, meanwhile, often refer to vWXYZville simply as “that place with the names”, and many flee upon realizing that their hotel check-in forms require three continuation sheets.

Through it all, the family name has continued to thrive—lingering at the bottom of census forms, perplexing passport control agents, and crashing at least one genealogy app per quarter. Plans are currently underway for a new family monument: a spiraling recursive marble helix inscribed with the name of every one of Alexander’s descendants. Architects estimate the structure will take up to three generations to complete, as every delay compounds the complexity of the structure and design.

	MinuteDU MysteryPL —The Case of the Ex-Bird—D. J. Lobos
	Linguists’ Pets—Κατ Ο’Ικίδιο & A. Mānsuētum
	SpecGram Vol CXCIV, No 4 Contents