“I vant to suck your blood!” is a phrase that has become synonymous with these blood-
The mythological creature known as the vampire has many morphological and lexical potentialities lurking in the shadows. We have organized the following based on the phases of a blood moon to guide you on your journey through the vampire’s many forms. So, dear reader, venture forth like a courageous Van Helsing into the depths of our vampiric lexicon. But be warned, the seductive allure of our list may leave you in a drowsy stupor from which you may never emerge.
Now, let us sink our teeth into this volume of the SpecGram Dictionary of the Linguistics of Mythological Beasts, and the linguistic intricacies of these fanged creatures.
Vampire: A legendary nocturnal creature that feeds on the blood of humans or animals. Not to be confused with a baobhan sith, a legendary creature that feeds on the blood of humans, or a chupacabra, a legendary nocturnal creature that feeds on the blood of animals, or a jiangshi, a legendary nocturnal creature that feeds on the life force of humans, or a moroi, a legendary nocturnal creature that feeds on the blood of humans, or a penanggalan, a legendary nocturnal creature that feeds on the blood of humans, or an upiór, a legendary nocturnal creature that feeds on the blood of humans, or a wendigo, a legendary creature that feeds on the flesh of humans.
Vampirahã: A Brazilian vampire who knows nothing about recursion.
Vamperative: An urgent command from a vampire, like “Fang on!” or “Bite me!”
Vamplifier: A vampire who enjoys playing loud music, often with heavy metal influences.
Nosfera2: A vampiric grammatical number. See also Nosfera1, Nosferaplural, and Nosferamany.
Account Dracula: A term of address for a vampire who has taken up bookkeeping.
Vampervious: Impervious to vampire bites, usually as a result of excessive garlic consumption.
Vampurr: A vampire who enjoys the company of cats, or, a cat with vampiric tendencies.
Fanglish: An English pidgin spoken by vampires, often involving a lot of hissing and guttural sounds.
Vampignon: A type of mushroom that grows in areas where vampires are known to dwell, believed to have supernatural properties.
Vamphitheater: A venue for vampire-
Vampersand: A vampire who specializes in typography and design, often spending eternity perfecting a font.
Vampeachment: The removal of a vampire from power.
Vampregnate: When a vampire accidentally bites a pregnant woman, causing the baby to be born with fangs.
Vamptimism: The belief that being a vampire is a positive thing, often held by younger or more naïve vampires.
Vamphigory: The elaborate and ornate hairstyles worn by fashionable vampires, often involving lots of curls, braids, and hair accessories.
Vamportant: Extremely important to a vampire’s survival, like garlic-
Vamplitude: The range of a vampire’s power or influence, from “I can’t even hypnotize a fly” to “I can control the populations of entire cities.”
Vumpire: A vampire with a love of sports, often found judging bats and balls in midnight softball leagues.
Vampiranha: A fish that feeds on blood and flesh, but never in daylight.
Vamphetamine: A drug that gives vampires a little extra pep in their step and fright in their bite.
Vampicillin: A medicine that helps vampires fight off blood-
Vamperialism: The practice of vampires dominating or controlling other supernatural creatures.
Vampirouette: A graceful and elegant dance move performed by a blood-
Vampyrrhic: Describes the regret one experiences after serving as a vampire’s familiar for years, finally becoming a vampire, and realizing it isn’t all it’s Drac’ed up to be.
Vampenetrable: Incapable of being penetrated by a vampire, like a garlic-
Vampirate: A vampire who traded immortality for a life on the high seas and a diet of salty blood.
vimpire: A vampire programmer old enough to prefer a screen-emacs.
Vampunner: A vampire who loves to tell dad jokes. Often says, “I feel Vlad about that pun.”
Vamphibian: A vampire who can survive both on land and in water.
Vamperoni: An Italian vampire sausage; sadly it must be made without garlic.
Vampirogi: A type of ravioli filled with something other than garlic and tomato sauce.
Vempire: A group of vampires who have formed a successful and sprawling business enterprise, such as a chain of blood banks.
Vampère: A vampire who is also an electrician.
Vamponderable: A question or issue that is worthy of serious philosophical consideration, such as “Can a vampire be a vegan?”