Not a wire news service but still more reliable than most newspapers.
New Consonant Type Invented
Bored with the existing voiced/unvoiced dualism, experimental phoneticiologists at the University of Fort Uwirsingle, North Dakota have invented the toasted consonant. This was originally produced by ejecting voiced and unvoiced dental stops at each other at high speeds, collecting the resulting sound and cooking it slowly over a spit, basting repeatedly.
Later efforts with grad students proved that toasted consonants could be easily made in the following way.
- First, take the right arm and stretch it over the left shoulder as if you are scratching an itch.
- Then, open your mouth and take a long, slow breath.
- Lastly, emit the following loudly: [Aiwishaididntdothisinpublic]