Quipley’s Don’t Believe It! ... Or Do? SpecGram Vol CXCII, No 2 Contents How to Use the Comparative Method for Fun and Profit—Al Tayo-Nostradamus, Esq.

SpecGram Dictionary of the Linguistics of Mythological Beasts

It’s Not Just Legendary; It’s Unreal

Volume Minotaur Minus 4: The Minotaur
by May Doop-Storeys (with the assistance of Hans I. Klop, E. Dia)

After the runaway successes (and, yes, the plural is justified) of our recent Werewolf extract from the SpecGram Dictionary of the Linguistics of Mythical Beasts (which our analytics report was read by at least as many subscribers as there are actual werewolves), we feel emboldened to offer a follow-up. And what better mythical beast (or ‘mythbeast’ as early 21st century noun-forming fashion might have it) than the minotaur? A raging, bull-like figure, trapped in a maze from which there is no escape, and ready to tear those who enter its lair limb from limb, our editor suggested the minotaur might be a good selection. Terrified, we agreed.

And, as with the werewolf, it turns out there are as many twists and turns to the morphological and lexical potentials of the minotaur as they were to King Minos’ maze itself. So many in fact, that we’ve helpfully ordered them based on some dice throws to ensure a smooth thematic journey from entry to entry. So, brave reader, venture forth, like courageous Theseus, into the maze of our myriad of ’mologies. But don’t forget to tie some thread around your ankle: boredom may overtake you, and the lethargy of our listicle cast you into a drowsy slumber from which you may never return. Fair warning! Open the gates of our lexical labyrinth and let the adventure begin!

Minotaur: A half man–half bull mythical beast trapped in a maze in the palace of King Minor on Crete; not to be confused with another mythical beast, the ‘Dinosaur’, which ‘scientists’ tell us lived tens of millions of years ago, when we all know the earth is only 6 thousand years old

Why-not-aur?: A philosophically inclined minotaur [see why-vern]

Wino-taur: A minotaur with a drinking problem

Mino-tour: (1) A minotaur offering sightseeing trips of Crete (2) A minotaur which guides you around hits maze before killing you

Mino-tor: A minotaur whose maze is on a small castle-like structure outside Glastonbury.

π-notaur: A minotaur with an interest in the geometry of circles

Mino-τ: A minotaur who knows how to pronounce the 19th letter of the Greek alphabet correctly

π-or-τ: A minotaur confused about the number of supra-lineal descenders to use in Greek graphemes

π-no-τ: A minotaur with definite opinions on which mathematical circle constant you should be using

Nine-otaur: Nine minotaurs in one

Bino-taur: A duality of minotaurs

Mino-more: An unspecified large number of minotaurs

Gyno-taur: A female minotaur

Mino-taut: A yoked minotaur rocking a washboard of granite-like abs

Mino-taught: A minotaur child learner of English who has acquired irregular past tenses

Mino-teached: A minotaur child learner of English who is yet to acquire irregular past tenses


My oh my!

My-oh-my-notaur: A politely shocked minotaur

Mine-otaur: My minotaur

Thine-otaur: (1) Your minotaur, Charlotte Brontë (2) God’s minotaur

Mine O’Taur: A minotaur of Irish descent

MineCraft-otaur: A minotaur whose maze is a multiplayer game

I’m-fine-otaur: A passive aggressive minotaur

Tyne-otaur: A minotaur from Newcastle [see why-aye-vern]

TyneTees-otaur: A minotaur on commercial British TV in the 1980s

Sin-otaur: A minotaur with an interest in trigonometry

Sign-otaur: (1) A minotaur proficient in sign language (2) A road sign indicating a nearby Cretan royal maze containing a minotaur

Sino-taur: A minotaur who loves China

China-taur: A minotaur from China

Minuet-aur: A minotaur that is quick on its feet

See-no-taur: An invisible minotaur

Seen-a-taur: I’m sure I’ve just spotted the invisible minotaur

Soon-a-taur: The invisible minotaur will re-appear shortly

Moon-otaur: An Apollo-generation minotaur

Moan-otaur: A glass half empty, it’s all too much, why does this have to happen to me minotaur

Just-a-minute-aur: (1) A minotaur who’s late for an appointment (2) A minotaur who can talk on any subject for a minute without hesitation, deviation or repetition

Monotone-o-taur: A research-oriented professorial minotaur

Meme-otaur: A captioned minotaur

מ‎-otaru: A Hebrew-speaking minotaur

I-mean-it!-aur: An insistent minotaur

Minor-taur: A juvenile minotaur

Miner-taur: An underground minotaur

Minonaut: A seafaring minotaur

Monitaur: A minotaur who likes to keep an eye on things

Kine-otaur: An Anglo-Saxon minotaur who keeps many cows

Swine-otaur: A pig-keeping minotaur

Rhino-taur: (1) A half minotaur, half rhino (so 25% man, 25% taurus, 50% rhino100% terror!) (2) An equally balanced mixture of man, taurus and rhino at 33.3% man, 33.3% taurus, 33.3% rhino100% horror!)

Mini-taur: A small minotaur

Nano-taur: An extremely small minotaur

Rhyme-o-Taur: A rising hip-hop artist

May-not-tour: A band of minotaurae who aren’t yet sure if their band will play any gigs this year

Mime-o-Taur: A mime artist minotaur, cousin of Rhyme-o-Taur but with much smaller house

Mean-otaur: (1) A stingy minotaur (2) An average minotaur (3) A minotaur with an interest in averages (4) French pronunciation of ‘minotaur’ (cf. mino-door)

Mile-high-club-otaur: A minotaur with too much time, money and private jets on its hands

Minotort: A wrong in civil law committed by a bull-headed man

Steinway-taur: A concert pianist minotaur

I-did-it-my-way-taur: A world famous singing minotaur. Also known as the Frank Sinatraur

I’ve-had-an-absolutely-spiffing-time-otaur: A UK public school-educated minotaur with excellent manners

Skyve-otaur: A UK inner city comp-educated minotaur who is never at school but instead terrorises the local community with vandalism, graffiti and horns

Shiner-taur: A minotaur with a black eye

Shiney-taur: A well polished minotaur

Shiny-happy-people-holding-hands-otaur: A minotaur in a rock band

Pie-otaur: A minotaur who enjoys pie

Pie-Jesu-otaur: A sweet voiced soprano-taur with a bent towards ecclesiastical lyric

Mino-gore: A minotaur who kills its victims in the bloodiest way imaginable

Mino-sure?: A minotaur who checks things

Mino-snore: A sleeping minotaur who is easy to evade, mazewise

Mino-door: (1) Standard US pronunciation of ‘minotaur’ (2) A minotaur whose maze has cut down on the draughts

Mino-jackdaw: A cross between a bird and a minotaur

Mino-Jack-Dawson: A minotaur that drowns in the north Atlantic while Celine power ballads about it

Xeno-taur: A minotaur from another planet

Buy-no-taur: The minotaur retailer has run out of stock

Buy-O-Taur: A robotic minotaur that does your weekly groceries for you

Bio-taur: A living minotaur

Bye-notaur: A minotaur who is leaving

Dry-notaur: A 1930s prohibitionist minotaur

I Am to Run: A minotaur who loves anagrams

Moat Ruin: Another minotaur who loves anagrams

O Anti-Rum: A teetotaler minotaur who loves anagrams

Mynotyr: A Middle English minotaur

[ɲ]i[ɲ]o[c]aur: A palatal minotaur; a palataur

Ninotaur: A minotaur who articulates consonants only at the alveolar place of articulation

Mimopaur: A non-rhotic minotaur who articulates consonants only at the bilabial place of articulation

[ai-ə-ɔ]: A non-rhotic minotaur who refuses to articulate any consonants

[mnt˞]: A rhotic minotaur who eschews vowels

Major-taur: A commissioned minotaur

Cry-no-more: A minotaur who has moved out of maze-related terrorising into person-centered counseling

Fry-no-more: A minotaur on a healthy diet

Shy-no-more: A minotaur who has overcome a crippling lack of self confidence and now terrorises those who enter its maze with high levels of self-esteem

Try-not!-or...: A minotaur who misremembers Yoda’s aphorisms

Mino-torc: Celtic military neckwear ... for minotaurs

Nothing’s Mino Torn: Mid-’90s pop ballad which is something about the emotional ramifications of a minotaur having been separated from its romantic interest

Mino-torp: A maze-like structure containing a minotaur but in the form of a delightfully idyllic Swedish croft

MinoStore: Maze of online and bricks-and-mortar retail outlets for all your minotaur purchasing needs

Mino-corps: A battalion of minotaurs

MinoCorp: Mega rich multinational which is about to put MinoStore out of business

Dragonslayer: A minotaur who is not very good at anagrams

Quipley’s Don’t Believe It! ... Or Do?
How to Use the Comparative Method for Fun and ProfitAl Tayo-Nostradamus, Esq.
SpecGram Vol CXCII, No 2 Contents