SpecGram Dictionary of the Linguistics of
Mythological Beasts
It’s Not
Just Legendary;
It’s Unreal
Volume Minotaur
Minus 4:
The Minotaur
by May Doop-Storeys (with the
assistance of
Hans I. Klop,
E. Dia)
After the runaway successes (and, yes, the plural is justified) of our recent Werewolf extract from the SpecGram Dictionary of the Linguistics of Mythical Beasts (which our analytics report was read by at least as many subscribers as there are actual werewolves), we feel emboldened to offer a follow-up. And what better mythical beast (or ‘mythbeast’ as early 21st century noun-forming fashion might have it) than the minotaur? A raging, bull-like figure, trapped in a maze from which there is no escape, and ready to tear those who enter its lair limb from limb, our editor suggested the minotaur might be a good selection. Terrified, we agreed.
And, as with the werewolf, it turns out there are as many twists and turns to the morphological and lexical potentials of the minotaur as they were to King Minos’ maze itself. So many in fact, that we’ve helpfully ordered them based on some dice throws to ensure a smooth thematic journey from entry to entry. So, brave reader, venture forth, like courageous Theseus, into the maze of our myriad of ’mologies. But don’t forget to tie some thread around your ankle: boredom may overtake you, and the lethargy of our listicle cast you into a drowsy slumber from which you may never return. Fair warning! Open the gates of our lexical labyrinth and let the adventure begin!
Minotaur: A half man–half bull mythical beast trapped in a maze in the palace of King Minos on Crete; not to be confused with another mythical beast, the ‘Dinosaur’, which ‘scientists’ tell us lived tens of millions of years ago, when we all know the earth is only 6 thousand years old
Why-not-aur?: A philosophically inclined minotaur [see why-vern]
Wino-taur: A minotaur with a drinking problem
Mino-tour: (1) A minotaur offering sightseeing trips of Crete (2) A minotaur which guides you around hits maze before killing you
Mino-tor: A minotaur whose maze is on a small castle-like structure outside Glastonbury.
π-notaur: A minotaur with an interest in the geometry of circles
Mino-τ: A minotaur who knows how to pronounce the 19th letter of the Greek alphabet correctly
π-or-τ: A minotaur confused about the number of supra-lineal descenders to use in Greek graphemes
π-no-τ: A minotaur with definite opinions on which mathematical circle constant you should be using
Nine-otaur: Nine minotaurs in one
Bino-taur: A duality of minotaurs
Mino-more: An unspecified large number of minotaurs
Gyno-taur: A female minotaur
Mino-taut: A yoked minotaur rocking a washboard of granite-like abs
Mino-taught: A minotaur child learner of English who has acquired irregular past tenses
Mino-teached: A minotaur child learner of English who is yet to acquire irregular past tenses
My oh my!
My-oh-my-notaur: A politely shocked minotaur
Mine-otaur: My minotaur
Thine-otaur: (1) Your minotaur, Charlotte Brontë (2) God’s minotaur
Mine O’Taur: A minotaur of Irish descent
MineCraft-otaur: A minotaur whose maze is a multiplayer game
I’m-fine-otaur: A passive aggressive minotaur
Tyne-otaur: A minotaur from Newcastle [see why-aye-vern]
TyneTees-otaur: A minotaur on commercial British TV in the 1980s
Sin-otaur: A minotaur with an interest in trigonometry
Sign-otaur: (1) A minotaur proficient in sign language (2) A road sign indicating a nearby Cretan royal maze containing a minotaur
Sino-taur: A minotaur who loves China
China-taur: A minotaur from China
Minuet-aur: A minotaur that is quick on its feet
See-no-taur: An invisible minotaur
Seen-a-taur: I’m sure I’ve just spotted the invisible minotaur
Soon-a-taur: The invisible minotaur will re-appear shortly
Moon-otaur: An Apollo-generation minotaur
Moan-otaur: A glass half empty, it’s all too much, why does this have to happen to me minotaur
Just-a-minute-aur: (1) A minotaur who’s late for an appointment (2) A minotaur who can talk on any subject for a minute without hesitation, deviation or repetition
Monotone-o-taur: A research-oriented professorial minotaur
Meme-otaur: A captioned minotaur
מ-otaru: A Hebrew-speaking minotaur
I-mean-it!-aur: An insistent minotaur
Minor-taur: A juvenile minotaur
Miner-taur: An underground minotaur
Minonaut: A seafaring minotaur
Monitaur: A minotaur who likes to keep an eye on things
Kine-otaur: An Anglo-Saxon minotaur who keeps many cows
Swine-otaur: A pig-keeping minotaur
Rhino-taur: (1) A half minotaur, half rhino (so 25% man, 25% taurus, 50% rhino—100% terror!) (2) An equally balanced mixture of man, taurus and rhino at 33.3% man, 33.3% taurus, 33.3% rhino—100% horror!)
Mini-taur: A small minotaur
Nano-taur: An extremely small minotaur
Rhyme-o-Taur: A rising hip-hop artist
May-not-tour: A band of minotaurae who aren’t yet sure if their band will play any gigs this year
Mime-o-Taur: A mime artist minotaur, cousin of Rhyme-o-Taur but with much smaller house
Mean-otaur: (1) A stingy minotaur (2) An average minotaur (3) A minotaur with an interest in averages (4) French pronunciation of ‘minotaur’ (cf. mino-door)
Mile-high-club-otaur: A minotaur with too much time, money and private jets on its hands
Minotort: A wrong in civil law committed by a bull-headed man
Steinway-taur: A concert pianist minotaur
I-did-it-my-way-taur: A world famous singing minotaur. Also known as the Frank Sinatraur
I’ve-had-an-absolutely-spiffing-time-otaur: A UK public school-educated minotaur with excellent manners
Skyve-otaur: A UK inner city comp-educated minotaur who is never at school but instead terrorises the local community with vandalism, graffiti and horns
Shiner-taur: A minotaur with a black eye
Shiney-taur: A well polished minotaur
Shiny-happy-people-holding-hands-otaur: A minotaur in a rock band
Pie-otaur: A minotaur who enjoys pie
Pie-Jesu-otaur: A sweet voiced soprano-taur with a bent towards ecclesiastical lyric
Mino-gore: A minotaur who kills its victims in the bloodiest way imaginable
Mino-sure?: A minotaur who checks things
Mino-snore: A sleeping minotaur who is easy to evade, mazewise
Mino-door: (1) Standard US pronunciation of ‘minotaur’ (2) A minotaur whose maze has cut down on the draughts
Mino-jackdaw: A cross between a bird and a minotaur
Mino-Jack-Dawson: A minotaur that drowns in the north Atlantic while Celine power ballads about it
Xeno-taur: A minotaur from another planet
Buy-no-taur: The minotaur retailer has run out of stock
Buy-O-Taur: A robotic minotaur that does your weekly groceries for you
Bio-taur: A living minotaur
Bye-notaur: A minotaur who is leaving
Dry-notaur: A 1930s prohibitionist minotaur
I Am to Run: A minotaur who loves anagrams
Moat Ruin: Another minotaur who loves anagrams
O Anti-Rum: A teetotaler minotaur who loves anagrams
Mynotyr: A Middle English minotaur
[ɲ]i[ɲ]o[c]aur: A palatal minotaur; a palataur
Ninotaur: A minotaur who articulates consonants only at the alveolar place of articulation
Mimopaur: A non-rhotic minotaur who articulates consonants only at the bilabial place of articulation
[ai-ə-ɔ]: A non-rhotic minotaur who refuses to articulate any consonants
[mnt˞]: A rhotic minotaur who eschews vowels
Major-taur: A commissioned minotaur
Cry-no-more: A minotaur who has moved out of maze-related terrorising into person-centered counseling
Fry-no-more: A minotaur on a healthy diet
Shy-no-more: A minotaur who has overcome a crippling lack of self confidence and now terrorises those who enter its maze with high levels of self-esteem
Try-not!-or...: A minotaur who misremembers Yoda’s aphorisms
Mino-torc: Celtic military neckwear ... for minotaurs
Nothing’s Mino Torn: Mid-’90s pop ballad which is something about the emotional ramifications of a minotaur having been separated from its romantic interest
Mino-torp: A maze-like structure containing a minotaur but in the form of a delightfully idyllic Swedish croft
MinoStore: Maze of online and bricks-and-mortar retail outlets for all your minotaur purchasing needs
Mino-corps: A battalion of minotaurs
MinoCorp: Mega rich multinational which is about to put MinoStore out of business
Dragonslayer: A minotaur who is not very good at anagrams
