University News SpecGram Vol CXC, No 2 Contents Plotholders: Don’t Lose Your Plot!—Coherent and Cohesive Gardening Narration—Claymore Harebottom

Book ८४

physicists think they’re so clever.
5σ at CERN? psh whatever.
this poem I’ve done
contains thirty-one,
but it doesn’t scan.
—Andrew Lamont

On the Bridge of CP-Doom
Deep in a relative clause
Embedded within 3 CPs,
An NP would raise
To the spec;CP place
But Chomsky said, ‘You shall not pass!’

But it went anyway, and at pace
To the very top spec;CP place;
Like a Balrog on fire
It rose higher and higher
Leaving nothing, not even a trace.
—Gerard Manley Deakins

SpecGram’s Ed-in-Chief deals out dark stares
And no-one looks up; no-one dares!
They need new ideas
As they drown in their fears:
It’s a clique of forbidden, grey squares.
—The Interns

If you knew a cool dude from Typhoo
Who’d construed to and too through & through,
And you asked, “double feature?”
Then most surely he’d teach ya
To refuse reduped to’schoose two too’s!
—P. Ublekkdeaux Meign, II

En Esperantuj’ ni kunpavas!
Tiu lando belega enhavas
—krom pejzaĝoj ebenaj
kaj sentoj ne ĝenaj—
Nenion, kio eĉ iom gravas.

I was going to write a Great Epic
To rival the best, the Homeric.
But after line three
It was time for my tea
So I settled for this: a li-mer-ick.
—Homer from Cromer

When I lecture, I wear a huge bonnet
On the outside of which is a sonnet.
The course is derived
From lines 1 to 5.
And the rest? The exam’s based upon it.
—Gertrooda Girdle-Girtle

University News
Plotholders: Don’t Lose Your Plot!Coherent and Cohesive Gardening NarrationClaymore Harebottom
SpecGram Vol CXC, No 2 Contents