Anglo-Saxon Speech Rules

Guthric the Left-Handed Linguist of Lindisfarne

Historically speaking, the historic Anglo-Saxon Chronicle is one of the greatest historical documents known to history. Detailed, nuanced, rhetorically and stylistically refined and never repetitive, dull, inconsequential or narrow-to-the-point-of-solipsistic in focus, it provides a neutral, unbiased, thoughtful and self-aware record of the Anglo-Saxon people(s!) that has yet to be equaled in the annals of history.

As is well known, certain parts of the Chronicle, alas, have been missing, presumed destroyed by the ravaging forces of William of Normandy. Fortunately, SpecGram recently came by Appendix III to this great historical treatise, penned by Guthric the Left-Handed Linguist of Lindisfarne. This Appendix concerns various principles and guidelines for Anglo-Saxon linguistic norms and behaviour. With extensive—and never-before-seen—descriptions of the extraordinary level of language education, Appendix III to the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle is a testament to the success of the wide-ranging reforms of Alfred ‘Freddie-boy Funbuster’ the Great.

Unfortunately, many of the rules included in our copy of Appendix III are clearly later interpolations by Norman invaders. Therefore, we have redacted the manuscript, and include here only those rules which clearly predate the scourge invasion hospitable guestliness of William and his Norman Kin. Thus, we magnanimously spare you, our readers, from the pain to be endured by such anachronisms.

Thank us, and read on!

Rule #3: Monks: scribe neatly! Forget not to cross your t-s, dot your i-s and strikethrough your ð-s.

Rule #205: All half-people [children] must be adept at word-secrets [kennings] before leaving the knowledge-hall [school] and starting their skill-journey [apprenticeship].

Rule #263: It is most unseemly to repeat the speech of your godsib to folk of any other house.

Rule #805: No man may call any deer an animal in the King’s forest.

Rule #906:
Please remember, poets,       when poems you are penning
Let alliteration       live in every line.

Rule #1296: Anyone whose name does not being with Æth-, Æl-, or Ed- cannot be King.

Rule #2056: Danish pronouns shall be used only when speaking to swine.

Rule #3102: Because it is like the sound of the great sea, r may float away from the start of a brid or a hross and settle nearer the end.

Rule #3209: If Vikings in skips are spotted, wearing skirts and intent on burning your kirks, leave your circe, don your shirt and board your own scip.

Rule #4001: There are some who say aks and others who say ask, but we find aks more seemly to the ear.

Rule #5824: Anyone named Karl should endeavor to refrain from being ceorl-ish however difficult this may nominally be.

Rule #8702: A husband shall be a man who dwells in his own hūs, not (necessarily) a man who has band meetings in his hūs.

Rule #10601: It is unseemly to call a house full of wheat a bar-arn.

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