Are you in a world of linguistic hurt? The SpecGram Linguistic Advice Collective (SLAC) will offer you empirical, empathic, emphatic advice you can use!*
Remember, if you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, then you don’t need advice! So, if you need advice, trust us
You’ve done so many plurals recently
—Shirley (Shir) Wah
As any classicist could tell you, schwa is a first declension noun (most probably feminine), and thus the plural is schwae.
—SLAC Unit #50657465
Since it has that good Germanic orthographic onset, I want the plural to be schwan. In fact, come to think of it, that means that the singular actually should be cygnet.
—SLAC Unit #4b65697468
Dear Shirley Berko Gleason,
—SLAC Unit #456d696c79
Speaking as a Tokyo-
—SLAC Unit #54656c
Dear Der Schwirly,
The plural is schwëghņ.
—SLAC Unit #4d61726b
Dear Shirl P. Morgan
The plural is schwab, and that’s an answer you can take to the bank.
—SLAC Unit #56696e63656e74
Dear Š. Wa,
It is commonly, though erroneously, assumed that the plural of schwa is schwas. This is, however, an inaccurate assessment. Schwa, as is well known, is a borrowing from the German Schwa, and so has no place being in the English language as such. To determine the correct form, we must determine the expected outcome of the Proto-
The reconstructed Proto-
As a result, we arrive at the plural scwəhz (pronounced [ʃwəxz]), which, to reflect the contemporary norms of English spelling, can be orthographically changed to shwuhz.
I hope this has answered your question satisfactorily and that this primer has allowed you to break free of one of the many linguistic failings of the las az οἱ πολλοίene.
—SLAC Unit #4c756361
Dear Wah’s World,
According to the film, Wayne’s World, it’s already plural. The singular is schwing ... not!
—SLAC Unit #4a6f6e617468616e
SLAC Unit #4a6f6e617468616e is doubly incorrect. We learned in Wayne’s World 2 that schwing is singular, schwinger is plural. Party on! Clearly, neither is the plural of schwa.
Actually, it is in fact a Hebrew noun borrowed into Greek, with the plural schwata.
—SLAC Unit #4d696b61656c
Dɚ Shɚlə Wə,
The correct way to view schwa is as a form of linguistic (and possibly existential) laziness. Therefore, an increase in schwa-
Determining the proper relationship between wuh and wug is left as an exercise for the reader.
—SLAC Unit #54726579
Dear Shir, lee, ooo wah-
Schwa is pluralised via reduplication. There are (at least) two variations:
The partially attested Old Church Schwavonic also declines it apparently for case with -n in the plural (often considered the inspiration for Zam’s Eo accusative), a genitive which follows the nom and a dative, incongruously realised as -dative (!). Plural is an infix of -eeek- between the onset and nucleus of the root lexeme. So:
—SLAC Unit #4465616b
Wait, now I remember! You’re all wrong, it’s schwapodes.
—SLAC Unit #456d696c79
* Advice is not guaranteed to be useful, practical, or even possible. Do not attempt at home. Consult a doctor (of linguistics, philology, or
|Fables of Linguistics
|50 Schwas of Vowel
|SpecGram Vol CLXXXVIII, No 2 Contents|