SpecGram Vol CLXXXVI, No 2 Contents Letters to the Editor

The Gift of Language

The SpecGram Christmas Elves™*

As Christmas approaches, there’s little else on the mind of the average, normal, well-adjusted and socially acceptable citizen of the average western democracy than “Buy, buy, buy!”† We follow the example set by the Nativity story§ by buying plastic guns for our nephews and oddly-coloured ties for our fathers.

Elisabeth Leiss and Sonja Zeman, 2018, Die Zukunft von Grammatik—Die Grammatik der Zukunft: Festschrift für Werner Abraham anlässlich seines 80. Geburtstags, Stauffenburg Verlag.

Chiasmus of the Month
December 2019

But can we as language lovers, being that touch more enlightened than our fellows, expect ourselves to look a little further and to reach a little higher? Howsoever much a mega box of chocolates or a Lego Millenium Falcon says “Happy Christmas, it’s great to be knowing you” to the recipient, why not ask ourselves what gifts can be given not just by language—but of language?

It’s a startling thought, we know! But just think: as well as handing over a set of mugs to your spouse, why not also say “Hey honey, I love you.” A true gift of language. Or, instead of simply equipping mum with some tea towels for the dish-washing rigours of the coming year, you might also tell her a joke. As the recipient of a Christmas gift, you can also use the complexity and fluidity of language to acknowledge the item. Try saying “Ah, that’s just what I wanted!” You’ll be amazed at how well this goes down. But best of all, of course, is gathering together with others and singing songs about Bethlehem and Wenceslas and going wassailing and caroling.

So, linguists, let’s lead the way this Yuletide. It’s no use just modelling out wh- movement or drawing social network diagrams. The real gift, the gift of Christmas, is language itself. It costs nothing, it doesn’t need wrapping and it can be given again and again. Happy Christmas, from SpecGram.‖

[P.S.: In addition to the Gift of Language, The SpecGram Editorial Board is happy to give you, Dear Reader, the Gift of (More) SpecGram! This issue is approximately 28% larger than comparable brands, has less filler, more fibre, and triple the Vitamin C! —Eds]


* SpecGram Christmas Elves™ are a fully-licensed auxiliary branch of Christmas Elves™, which are ® and © by Nick’s World-Wide Branding and Marketing, a wholly-owned subsidiary of St. Nicholas Global Industries, Inc.

† The commercialisation of Christmas is arguably largely to blame for this phenomenon, and so it is The Christmas Spirit℠©® that is most in need of redemption this—and in our modern era, every—holiday season. If you find your observance of Anthesteria, Bodhi Day, Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, Dísablót, the Dōngzhì Festival, Festivus, Hanukkah, Hogmanay, HumanLight, Indogermanischen Urlaub, Koliada, Krampusnacht, Kwanza, Malkh, Mōdraniht, Newtonmas, Ōmisoka, Pancha Ganapati, St. Lucia Day, Saturnalia, Soyal, Yaldā, Yule, Zamenhof Day or other winter holiday‡ is similarly becoming too crass and commercial, feel free to adapt these guidelines to suit your needs and help bring your celebrations back to their roots.

‡ To our antipodean friends: alas, your celebrations are already so far removed from their roots—Christmas on the beach‽—there may be no coming back. But you could try being nice to your fellow humans anyway; it couldn’t hurt.

§ Maybe those three wise guys weren’t so wise to bring gifts.

‖ And a Happy Anthesteria, Bodhi Day, Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, Dísablót, Dōngzhì Festival, Festivus, Hanukkah, Hogmanay, HumanLight, Indogermanischen Urlaub, Koliada, Krampusnacht, Kwanza, Malkh, Mōdraniht, Newtonmas, Ōmisoka, Pancha Ganapati, St. Lucia Day, Saturnalia, Soyal, Yaldā, Yule, or Zamenhof Day—and a Prosperous New Year!

Letters to the Editor
SpecGram Vol CLXXXVI, No 2 Contents