The Influence of Seasonings in Middle and Modern English—Rosemary and Basil Dillon SpecGram Vol CLXXXIX, No 3 Contents Seeking Short-Term Provost/PA to the Provost—Advertisement

Cancellation Notice: Philosophical Fight of the Century Postponed Indefinitely

Following the recent highly successful and positively reviewed1 issue on Okhamian thought in language, SpecGram Events Inc had taken the initiative of initiating initial contact with both William of Ockham and his mortal enemy and eternal nemesis, John Duns Scotus, with the aim of setting up an evening of debate and discussion on the problem of universals in relation to language.

At the suggestion of Boethius, this was to take to the form of a 30-minute wrestling match between the two esteemed mediaeval scholars, followed by a five-song karaoke contest and then, following an intermission where light snacks would be made available, a final, all-out, no-holds barred, freestyle fightissimo lasting as many rounds as necessary. Scotus had selected his familiar samurai sword, the weapon which played such a significant role in the development of his concept of haecceity, whereas Okham, ever subtle, had gone for the uzi submachine gun (the origin, of course, of his moniker ‘William ‘Bouncing Bullet Boy’ of Ockham’2).

SpecGram Events were due to announce this event a week on Saturday with front row tickets from $750 dollars, gallery seats from $737 and free entry for volunteers.3 However, in Scotus’ recent Royal Society lecture addressing the problem of universals, in which the universal of ‘fight’ was used extensively throughout his argument, Scotus showed that this universal does not exist in reality and is merely a construct of mind. In view of this, SpecGram Events is forced to cancel the event unless and until it is demonstrated to be an ontic.4 Readers and potential attendees can, nevertheless, imagine the event without fear of philosophical error.

1 My mum flicked through it and said, ‘Yes, that’s interesting, dear.’

2 According to the anonymous Tractatus Okhamanius, no sooner had William emerged from Mrs of Ockham’s womb than he reached for one of the nearby Kalashnikovs and, with an ironically raised post-natal eyebrow, bullet-holed the wall with Bulletia non sunt multiplicanda sine necessitate. The doctor on duty is said to have exclaimed ‘You have a bouncing bullet boy, Mrs of Ockham!’

3 Subject to an application administration fee of $736.

4 Not to be confused with ‘antique’. A demonstration, however watertight, that the proposed event is actually a priceless Ming dynasty vase will not suffice to see the event uncancelled.

The Influence of Seasonings in Middle and Modern EnglishRosemary and Basil Dillon
Seeking Short-Term Provost/PA to the ProvostAdvertisement
SpecGram Vol CLXXXIX, No 3 Contents