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Occam’s Phraser
Yu kud’nt spel, so we invented the spell checker.
Spell words good now, stringing words together are hard, so we invented the grammar checker.
Now, even now!, having mastered arts both grammatical—if one can ever truly master the grammar of a language (or is it the case that, as linguist Y. Smirnoff claims, grammar masters you?)—and orthographical (helped, no doubt, by that sudden bout of pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis from when you attended that puzzlers’ convention down in the mines, which, in retrospect, is a rather silly place to hold a convention, even if it was cheaper to rent than a hotel ballroom on the weekend of a home playoff game... Wait! Where are you going? I’m not done with my sentence!
Time is short. Snappy sentences are effective sentences. Distill your writing with Occam’s Phraser! See how Occam’s Phraser can improve these example texts:
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Input:
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires...
Output:
Hey, King George, we’re moving out because you suck! Read on for all the details, if you dare.
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Input:
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
Output:
Want weird dreams? Drink absinthe!
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Input:
MacArthur’s Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
’Cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe again
Output:
NULL
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Input:
Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du, yeah-e-yeah
Output:
Treasure the people who will support you throughout your life. You don’t know who those people will be, so build up a diverse portfolio of relationships.
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