Dear Editor Jones,

Thank you for mentioning my book in your recent letter from the Editor-in-Chief. A few comments on your comments:

1. The book is not about historical linguistics, but it’s fine with me if you want to say otherwise.

2. The title The History of Rome identifies the subject matter of the book. If it eases your confusion, you could regard the title as a shorthand version of A Book about the History of Rome.

3. The Hoffa Room got its current name by folk etymology. It was originally called the Offa Room, in honor of the famed King of Mercia. As I recall, in the late 1970’s, a few rambunctious interns started calling it the Hoffa Room as a joke. Eventually, the new name caught on, and the joke was forgotten.

4. I spell Þor with a thorn (though I spell thorn with a th), so your acronym doesn’t work for me. As for Loki and Ragnarok, I prefer to have no personal contact with either.

5. Lastly, I appreciate the compliments, but as you well know, I am neither charming, nor eloquent, nor persuasive.

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[Note: Our various and sundry contracts with various and sundry Intern Unions (HCIU, CUHI, and ^hUHCI) require us to announce that various and sundry Letters Interns were harmed in the writing of this reply. They were pushed out of the way—and in some cases off a balcony—by Editor-in-Chief Jones in his gleeful zeal to compose a personal reply to Editor Emeritus Pulju. As the “balcony” in question is actually half a wooden pallet in a small space behind a large bush adjacent to a non-functional fire door in the intern’s lounge, the affected interns only fell a few inches. Legally, they are responsible for any additional falling, such as keeling over onto their posteriors. Responsibility for damage to the dignity of any intern as the result of any senior editorial action is expressly disclaimed in the Indentured Employee Handbook. —Eds.]

O High and Mighty Editor Emeritus Pulju!

Your charming letter was so eloquent and so persuasive that I will immediately demand that everyone at SpecGram abbreviate your book as ÞoR, and immediately stop referring to you as charming, eloquent, or persuasive. Though you have to admit that you are a wee bit charismatic, articulate, and compelling!

Dear Boys and Gals:

I recently spent some time in Lubbock, and while there I decided to test the semantics of ‘coke’ versus ‘soda’ and was served my first Dr. Pepper, which I was assured is simply ambrosia. That was the nastiest shot of fizzy diabetes starter I’ve ever had the misfortune of tasting. Why did I become a linguist?

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Dear poor poor Silke,

A more pertinent question is, Why did you spend any time in Lubbock? Drinking Dr. Pepper’s the only fun to be had there.

P.S. Good thing you didn’t try Big Red.

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Dear Sirs/Ma’ams:

On your cover you list your Eds., Assoc. Eds., and Asst. Eds., but you don’t specify which of all of you is the Half-Asst. Ed. It’s clear at least one of you is.

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Cervine M4 Tank Onion
Deer Sherman Shallot--

I don”t know what your implying or infering over thgere but we do not have a half-=Asst Editor. I am the Half- Step-Editor of the Junior Assoc, Editor on my Mothers Side, which is probaly close enough.

I am also on charge of PEBKAC/POBCAK translateration–and the acompanying I.D.:10-T interfase as well. YHou gotta problewm with that?

All you fancy academic lingiusts and your “real" colleges and "real” degrees and ``real‘’ careers−you make me [sic].

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Speculative Grammarian accepts well-written letters commenting on specific articles that appear in this journal or discussing the field of linguistics in general. We also accept poorly-written letters that ramble pointlessly. We reserve the right to ridicule the poorly-written ones and publish the well-written ones... or vice versa, at our discretion.