RELAUNCHED JOURNAL—
Municipal Journal of Language Devolution

There has been a lot of interest in environmental influences on language, including the emerging field of geophonetics. Other publishers can jump on the bandwagon; Psammeticus Press already has one of its own! (Two, if you count the 1997 Geo Prizm used by our world-infamous house band, Fauxnetikx.)

One of the oldest workhorses in our stable of highly profitable journals is the Municipal Journal of Language Devolution. Once an outlet for prescriptivist screeds, its original nay-saying editors, Usain E. Trong and Grumby Kerr Mudgin, spent 46 years shouting into the winds of language change until they were hoarse. Now that they have finally been put out to pasture, our new editing team have been given free rein to lead the journal in a new direction. Instead of bridling at the language (mis)use of the hairy-heeled, the MJLD will make hay of the latest research trends and examine how our environment affects the way we speak.

Municipal Journal of Language Devolution
Volume XLVII, Issue 1

Research Articles

• The loss of nasal consonants in high-pollen areas (Ah Chu)

• Voicing in a community of elderly heavy smokers (Trey Key, Autumn Mi, & Tupac Aday)

• Prevalence of sibilants in regions with poor dentistry (D. K. Tarter)

• Seasonal and latitudinal variation in the frequency of use of bilabial trills (I. C. Winters)

• Did high tone originate underwater? (Hélio X. & Deep C. D’Hiver)

• Increase in near-open front unrounded vowels after volcanic eruptions (Ashley Rainn)

• Verb patterns in a community of teenage American liberals: Do future progressives overuse the future progressive? (Wil B. Marr-Ching)

• Selenophonetics: Difficulties of schwa articulation on the moon (N. Armstrong)

Aspiring contributors should triple-space their manuscript on an IBM Selectric typewriter and place it in an unmarked manila envelope along with our review fee of one Krugerrand per page. This journal uses double-blind review, so please dead-drop the envelope under the Psammeticus Press park bench under cover of darkness. After a suitable length of time (at least three months, usually not more than ten), dial the number listed in the “free kittens” ad in the Springfield Picayune-Intelligencer-Times to learn the status of your submission and, if accepted, the number of Bitcoins required for page charges.

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Join the band! Consisting of three bassists and a kazoo player, Fauxnetikx is looking for a lead bass player. Musical talent is preferred; the ability to fit in the rear middle seat is required.