Zapping Words, Averting Aversion

M.O.I.S.T.

Oh cacophony of chunky fudge squirts! Drop your slacks, yank your flatulent panties out of your cruddy crevice, and prepare to smear on a cornucopia of viscous ointments, you mucus-gurgling lugubrious squab! Don’t gripe, you phlegmatic sap! The M.O.I.S.T. brainchild has arrived!

Did that leave you shuddering and queasy? You are not alone, you don’t deserve to suffer, and we’re here to help. We are M.O.I.S.T.—a coalition of word-averse lexicographers who have banded together in pursuit of our goal of removing all the words from English that are just plain gross. Our formal objective statement: Mitigation of Offensive Items that Sound Terrible—hence, M.O.I.S.T.

We are more than just empty whining rhetoric! We’ve teamed up with a former high-level operative of the Γραμματο-Χαοτικον to effect positive change (rather than mere entropy-increasing change). We lobby dictionaries, thesauri, and other reference works, encouraging them to downplay the value and acceptability of words on our hit list. We post blogs, compose protest songs, and stage rallies to encourage legislation to remove these words from the common vernacular.

English is no longer our only target. Our organization has branches just beginning to work in other languages, too. Hay los Hispanohablantes Unidos para Mejorar el Estilo del Discurso Oral (H.U.M.E.D.O.). Il y a les Habitants Unis pour Modifier des Idiomes Destructifs et Effroyables (H.U.M.I.D.E.). More coming all the time—contact us for information about franchise opportunities!

Like Fingernails on a Chalkboard,
These Are the Words of Our Lives.

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