Diet of Bilingualism

Didier Cochon
SpecGram’s Resident Culinary Connoisseur

We here at Speculative Grammarian like to think of ourselves as healthy linguists, undertaking a great number of strenuous linguist activities, such as typing, pacing back and forth waiting for an email for that much-needed grant, and typing once again. However, recent linguistic research has come forth which may help us all lead healthier lives!

Research by Paul E. Glot and Sue Cond-Lengwidge has indicated that high levels of obesity and otherwise low levels of general good health occur mainly within populations of monolingual speakers. “Simply put, they aren’t getting a diverse and healthy diet of vocabulary,” stated Paul E. Glot. They go on to say, “A monolingual’s diet doesn’t contain the required nutrients, proteins, and so forth that a bilingual would benefit from; as such, monolinguals hold a higher risk of being susceptible to all sorts of things, and we can therefore only recommend that people learn a second language to keep themselves in top condition!”

They go on to hit out at the English language, “From our research, we in fact discovered that speakers of English nowadays have inherited a less healthy language, so that English speakers haven’t got a rich palate of words to digest anymore. Losing a plethora of rich words like overmorrow, defenestrate, betwixt, meseems, and sweven has meant English has lost much of the nutritious quality it once had and quality has itself become quantity, with plenty of words going around but sadly not the right sort of words.”

So, the next time you’re considering tucking into some of your favourite English words, take a step back and chew on some spicy Spanish sentences, consume some fresh French phrases, and devour some delicious Danish declaratives!

And so, we’ll all be able to enjoy the benefits of bilingualism, and live for a better tomorrow.

Bon appétit!

	A Proposal for an Academy to Regulate the French Language—Armand du Plessis
	Unu Mondo, Unu Lingvo, Sen Kulturo—Tennick Bolson
	SpecGram Vol CLXXI, No 3 Contents