Normalized Independent Basis-Vector–Based Languages and the Dream of Just Universal Enough Languages—A Reply to Nsiwander-Sic—Jonathan van der Meer and I. Juana Pelota-Grande SpecGram Vol CLXVI, No 3 Contents New Course Offerings in Linguistics—L’École de SpecGram, Paris

Synthetic Post-Compre­hensionism
A Theory on the Origin of Linguistic Gravity

Adam Graham

Of late there has been much speculation regarding the end of the linguistic universe, from Mikio Chachu’s “The Linguistic Singularity and the Linguistic Multiverse” to Francois M. Lounce’s concept of the Lingua-womb,i from the 2011 A.S.S.ii Conference on Lingua-Warfare to Charlie Saygone’s fascinating ideas regarding “The Linguistic Big Rip”. Not a week passes without some mention on the nightly news of the coming linguistic apocalypse. What is missing however is a rational explanation as to why the Linguistic Universe will fall apart.

With this in mind, I have attempted to combine the theories of many well-known Linguists, Cosmo-Linguists, Metaphorical Linguists, and, of course, plain old Phorical Linguists, into a system of thought that deals with the cause of the collapse of the linguistic universe. I call this theory Synthetic Post-Comprehensionism (SPC).

SPC is contingent upon the assumption that Language creates a metaphysical/metaphorical space, a referential space, which contains itself, its own mass.

And: space necessitates mass. Linguistic space necessitates linguistic mass.iii

Thus, for instance, the mere utterance, “look over there,” creates the space needed for the metaphorical eye to turn and focus on a distance beyond here, i.e. over there, in a metaphorical space. And, as Zouk de Tomas states, “make no doubt, the metaphorical space is certainly felt, as much as the metaphorical or metaphysical self that employs linguistics is felt.”iv

An experiment by the eminent Dr. Warren Sebastian Sinclair III, prior to his detention in China over his political origami, may shed some light on this situation. From 2007 to 2010 Dr. Sinclair’s team administered over two billion Linguistic Weight Imagination Tests in which participants were asked to mentally picture the following Linguistic signs:

Lizard in an empty room
100 pound barbell
100 pound barbell on top of lizard

After ample time was given for the participants to create this metaphorical scenario they were asked to describe what happened to the lizard after the barbell was placed atop it. Approximately 99.9% of participants reported that the lizard was squished to death because of the weight of the barbell. Dr. Sinclair’s research assistants sketched each participant’s description. 99.9% of them appeared thus:

0.1% appeared thus:

Dr. Sinclair’s renowned experiments demonstrate that, for the most part, metaphorical mass interacts with metaphorical space similarly to the way that physical mass interacts with physical space.

This is linguistic gravity. The more language is used, the more linguistic objects and space are created, and the heavier the weight of those objects and space are, until a linguistic compression begins in which the linguistic weight of the metaphysical space begins to compress into itself. The center cannot hold.

If the compression is below a certain threshold the geological linguistic body is formed: a compression of a semantic symbol into multiple meanings to the nth degree. This is evident in such student writing as the following, which come from 10th grade students in Florida:v

I think so of that should be taken out because a lot of people don’t bother putting in that extra coma or this period.

Some details that one can provide from this thesis is that not only in one’s mind is what we can control towards unknown water that surrounds you but it’s also to know how to react when confronting with water

These examples are prime examples of how meaning can be so compressed within individual and grouped semantic symbols as to render them almost

However, if linguistic gravity is too great and the linguistic compression is above a certain threshold, the geological linguistic body grows too massive, the Linguistic Gravity is too much, and the entire linguistic system collapses into itself creating a rip in the fabric of linguistics itself.vii The balloon of meaning pops. This coming cataclysm in Linguistics is discussed at some length in Adam Block’s “The Linguistic Big Crunch”.

Beware my friends, we are approaching this threshold!

We are approaching this threshold due to the fact that modern culture has eliminated what I call the Semantic Exit (which is obviously a component of the late Dr. Hunkee’s Unilateral Signification Flow theoryviii). The Semantic Exit is the natural relief valve of semantic mass/linguistic gravity. The Semantic Exit relieves semantic weight (lessening the linguistic gravity) by allowing linguistic mass to leave metaphorical space.

For example, a sentence is spoken or heard, and the semantic mass is instantly created in a metaphorical space. However, if no other semantic entity is experienced then the semantic mass dissolves, goes away, leaves, decays.ix The semantic experience fades, and thus the object and its mass decrease. This is the Semantic Exit.

In a world that is illiterate, or close to it, semantic mass cannot build up enough weight to begin compression because there is little-to-no semantic mass being created. The level of Semantic Exit is great.

However, this is not the case in today’s hyper-mediated/hyper-semantic world, where semantic signs are everywhere, causing semantic objects (thus, semantic mass and space) to be piled upon previous semantic objects/spaces, themselves piled upon prior semantic objects/spaces. The rate of Semantic Exit is too slow. In today’s semantic-heavy world there is not enough semantic decay to relieve the weight of the semantic massleading to a pivotal moment, a threshold, as mentioned above, in which the weight is too much and Linguistic Gravity will collapse upon itself.x

What happens after metaphorical space is destroyed? No one knows. In his pivotal work, the legendary Zap Gamma speculates we will come full circle and enter the same realm as our pre-semantic ancestors, our pre-meaning descendants.xi Whatever happens it is safe to assume that nothing will ever be the same again. Ever. Never ever. Ever never ever.

i Lounce, F.M. “Ecce Dino: Language, the Extinction of the Dinosaur, and the 1996 MIT Language Riots.”

ii Association of Speculative Semioticians.

iii Linguistic mass, metaphorical mass, semantic mass, will be used interchangeably in this article.

iv Tomas “My Word is My Self.”

v Today’s youth are “natives” of the geological linguistic body. Their language use is “heavier”more compressed than that of the average person over the age of 40.

vi This is the “post-comprehension” of Synthetic Post-Comprehensionism.

vii In the same way that “real” mass, concentrated in a given space creates a gravitational “dip” (and eventual rip if too heavy) in the fabric of the space-time continuum.

viii Hunkee, Ralph. “Similes for a Post-Apocalyptic World.”

ix In the same manner as “real” matter.

x The theoretical implications of linguistic gravity are compelling, for it mandates a moment in time, before the fabric of Linguistics rips due to the extreme amount of Linguistic Weight, when the entire semantic universe is gravitationally compressed into a single Omni-symbol that holds for but an instant the entire weight of all meaning.

xi Gamma, Z. “Shut up: why you should shut up.”

Normalized Independent Basis-Vector–Based Languages and the Dream of Just Universal Enough LanguagesA Reply to Nsiwander-SicJonathan van der Meer and I. Juana Pelota-Grande
New Course Offerings in LinguisticsL’École de SpecGram, Paris
SpecGram Vol CLXVI, No 3 Contents