While the parallels between physics and linguistics, between the physical universe and the linguoverse, are useful as a metaphorical lens through which to contemplate the role and fate of language, the parallels are far from complete. Unlike the physical universe, which is cold and at best apathetic toward the fate of humans, the linguoverse is warm and alive and intimately linked to the humans who form the substrate for the very existence of the linguoverse. There will be no Linguistic Big Crunch, Rip, Freeze, or Bounce. There will be no Linguistic Singularity, either, because the Linguistic Doomsday will destroy the linguoverse long before there is time for anything else to happen.
Several sources have determined that the human linguoverse will come to an end on December 21, 2012 (not March 31, 2058 as some sources contend). The exact source of our linguistic doom is the subject of much debate, but any of the top contenders is more than sufficient to do the job:
Tonguewave zero, a phonological formula that calculates the ebb and flow of neologisms in the linguoverse. The formula reveals that neologicity will increase to infinity in 2012, destroying the linguoverse.
A sudden change in the fundamental parameters of Universal Grammar will make human language impossible.
A linguomagnetic reversal will toggle the polarity of all parameters in all human languages, rendering all language technology (including everything from computational linguistic algorithms to simple books) useless.
A large grammar ray burst resulting in linguistically lethal doses of chiasmic radiation would destroy the linguoverse.
A global outbreak of panglossia or logorrhoea, resulting in massive language dehyphenation and even language death.
Simple linguistic terrorism, resulting in destabilization of global languages
We’re doomed!
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Linguistics Nerd Camp—Bethany Carlson |
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Ancillary Things You Didn’t Know You Didn’t Know—Madalena Cruz-Ferreira |
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SpecGram Vol CLX, No 4 Contents |