The Linguistic Big Freeze

by John Tipler and Frank J. Barrow
Omega Point Open University

It is with some disappointment that we feel obligated to submit this article to the previously respectable Speculative Grammarian, which has now been demoted to the position of Purveyor of Meta-Tripe.

We agree with most of Block’s (2010) explanation of the Linguistic Big Bang, but vigorously disagree with his contention of an impending Linguistic Big Crunch. We agree with most of Saygone’s (2010) tripe-related criticism of Block’s Linguistic Big Crunch, but vigorously disagree with his contention of an impending Linguistic Big Rip. Both of these theoretical models served linguophysicists in their time, but both are now sorely outdated. A careful analysis of the best current data and theory in the field leads inevitably to the conclusion that the linguoverse inevitably has a Linguistic Big Freeze in store for us. Inevitably.

The reasoning is quite straightforward. The increasing and increasingly imperialistic linguistic hegemony of English throughout the world will eventually lead to the practical demise of all other languages as anything other than intellectual and theoretical curiosities. That trend, combined with the normalizing and standardizing force of various ubiquitous media and communicative networks throughout the world will ultimately result in a Linguistic Big Freeze.

The amount of linguistic energy available for neologisms will decrease, eventually reaching the point of ergative-absolutive zero (plus or minus the random fluctuation of morphemic quanta, of course). The conformist hegemony of standard Global Englishes will eventually coalesce into a single, unified omnipresent, yet sterile language.

The logic, and the outcome, are inescapable.

	Linguistics Nerd Camp—Bethany Carlson
	Further Things You Didn’t Know You Didn’t Know—Madalena Cruz-Ferreira
	SpecGram Vol CLIX, No 4 Contents