FonoFutoshiki—Ulfheðnar ber Sarkur SpecGram Vol CLVI, No 1 Contents


Lloyds of London solicits predictive wagers of the most gentlemanly sort (based only on coherent theoretical assumptions, naturally) regarding events of historical significance in the stately and majestic Field of Linguistics.
SECOND-HAND BOOKS for the busy linguist. Never had time to actually read Chomsky’s Syntactic Structures, but ashamed to admit it? Our roughly used copies of Important Books come with ready-made underlinings, coffee stains, and torn pages. One look around your office and the tenure-review board will assume you’ve read them all thoroughly. If they didn’t ask, then you didn’t lie, did you? Call Second Hand Success at 1-800-READ-A-BK. NEEDED: IN-OFFICE TEACHING ASSISTANT. No actual classroom or student-related duties. Primary tasks include spoon-feeding, adult-diaper–changing, and journal-reading for 3 or 4 dementia-ridden professor emeriti who refuse to leave their offices. Positions available world-wide. Call Dorinda at 1-800-EMERITI. WANTED: RESEARCH TOPIC. Desperate linguistic grad. student seeks dissertation-quality research topic in order to qualify in two weeks’ time. Any field or subfield welcome; data a plus. Failing that, quiet, well-organized former grad. student seeking roommates to share one room studio apartment above bail bonds shop. For more info, call 784-2904.
BARGAIN BOOK: I have one torn-up copy of the “Gutenberg Bible”, unfortunately with extensive marginalia and the signature of the previous owner across the title page, a certain “M. Luther”. $5.00 plus postage and handling OBO. Inquiries to Hans Luder XXI, PO Box 1483, Eisleben, Germany.
FOR SALE: 37 slightly- to heavily-used erasers, including blackboard, whiteboard, and greyboard erasers. Most come pre-licked. Call 011 243 622 9230 and ask for Zaira.

FonoFutoshiki—Ulfheðnar ber Sarkur
SpecGram Vol CLVI, No 1 Contents