Abominable Synonym: A mytholingual creature of Nepal and Tibet that causes speakers within the radius of its effect to pathologically doubt their ability to choose the right word.
one of the early Al-Khemists
Big Honkers: A mainstay of cryptolinguistics, this far-
Bigfeet: A mytholingual creature of North America said to be 17 feet tall and only able to speak in rhyming heroic heptadecameter. (Hence it composes its thoughts very, very slowly, and speaks little if at all.)
Branchee: A tormented female spirit from Ireland said to inhabit the corners of the most complicated and theoretically-
Caron: The ferryman who carried phonemes across the River Háčeks on their way into Slavic languages.
Centensaurs: Mytholingual Greek creatures with the head and torso of men and the lower body of a syntactic parse tree.
Chupasoplos: A legendary linguocryptid said to inhabit parts of Latin America, whose name is Spanish for “breath-
Daniel Jones’ Locker: The mythical place whence all unpronounceable phones come to torment first-
Doppeldoppelgängergänger: A Germanic shadow creature involved in reduplication and compounding.
Fountain of Yodth: A mytholingual fountain, purported to be in Florida, the West Indies, and other locations in the New World. Its magical waters restore to speakers of English the ability to properly pronounce words like human, Houston, tune, dew, new, lute, and enthusiasm.
Fryggyn’: The Norse goddess of minced oaths.
Gerundel: A combination of living at the bottom of a lake and terrorizing a tribe of Danes (including King Hrasmus Hrask) is characteristic of this creature. Devoted to describing how defeating Gerundel was accomplished, the epic Old English poem Beotto concentrates on narrating the actions of its protagonist, Beotto Jespersen.
Haitch and Eng
Haitch and Eng: The result of a Medieval Linguisorcerer’s attempt to apply the principles of Chinese dualist philosophy to English pronunciation. The separate but inseparable dualities, by their mysterious symbiosis, create an allomorphic whole, known to some as Heng.
Hapax Legendomenon: Any mytholingual creature seen only once, and thus usually difficult to identify or characterize.
Hjelmslevvir: The magical prolegomena of Ðor; according to myth, when quoted or even alluded to forcefully, its sparse yet oblique structure could daze even the most titanic of structuralists.
Hyperbolea: A legendary land of the Greeks, far to the north, where everything is absolutely perfect, 110% of the time. It is a thousand times better than the best place in Greece, and a thousand thousand thousand times better than the best place you’ve ever been. The streets are paved with gold that is a billion times better than the best gold in the rest of the world. The water is so pure that it tastes better than beer, a hundred times better than the best beer, even. The fruits that fall off the trees are so good that there are no words to describe them in other languages, and they cure blindness, baldness, and bowleggedness. It is awesome in Hyperbolea.
Jason and the Argotnauts: An ancient Greek mytholingual figure and his band of heroes, named after their ship, the Argot, named in turn for the incomprehensible rhyming slang used by the Argotnauts. They are known primarily for their quest for the Glottalized Fleece.
King Structuralism’s Mines: The fabled source of the arguments and examples that, if only they could be mined and brought to light, would herald the end of Generative Linguistics and begin a New Age of Structural Linguistics.
Knights of the Linguistic Roundtable: A department of brave and true academics, led by Dean of Humanities Arthur. They held magical conferences and presented important research in an atmosphere of camaraderie and intellectual investigation. Once considered historical, now known to be entirely mythical.
Kreaken: A monstrous creaky-
Linguomancy: Any form of magic using words.
Lowki: The Norse trickster and god of falling tones.
Maui’ō’e: The Polynesian god of small alphabets.
Morphemeus: The Greek god of dreams of meaning.
Mummy: Ancient Egyptian bringer of words. Speaks a simplified and over-
Part II will appear in the next issue of SpecGram.