Linguistics for Lazy People
Published 2008. Softcover, 371/2 pages. Price: $9.99
This book is not an attempt to reach out to people who are lazy, but nonetheless have an interest in learning about linguistic science—David Crystal has certainly already written a book for them. Rather, this is a practical book for lazy people who want to learn how to use the fruits of linguistics to enhance their laziness.
Learn to use the passive voice to avoid taking responsibility for things you really don’t want to be responsible for. Learn to use the perfective aspect to imply that tasks are done—thus getting your nagging boss or spouse off your back. Learn to use double or even triple negation to trick others into agreeing to do things for you.
Learn to use the strongest form of the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis to train your mind to be more efficient—shave minutes off your day. Your “coworkers” and “family members” become “time sinks”. Your “job” becomes “a means to an end”. Once you recognize their true roles in wasting your time and effort, you can consciously limit the amount of your time you devote to dealing with them.
There’s more, much more—but if we told you any more, you wouldn’t get off your lazy backside and go buy a copy of the book!
Warning: Over-application of the principles explained in Linguistics for Lazy People can result in unexpected adulation from amoral superiors at work, resulting in unwanted promotions and additional responsibilities. Do not mix with lawyers under any circumstances.