Judging by the correspondence which is regularly and vociferously directed at our editorial staff, there is an unfortunate misperception current among SpecGram readers, to wit: that we spend the better part of our days drinking mildly stimulating beverages and chortling over uproarious upcoming issues. In a normal month, I might have no opportunity to quash such salacious rumors, but recent events have opened the door for me to write in this space, and I intend to do just that—the quashing, as well as the writing.

In fact, the SpecGram virtual office is a virtual beehive of virtual activity, hardly any of it humorous or stimulating in the least. The Pulju connection notwithstanding, Jones and I have never actually met, but nevertheless we find our days virtually filled with editorial duties. My current writing, for the present space, is occasioned, for instance, by the fact that Trey is extremely busy down in the legal department, fending off an anonymous hostile takeover attempt which seems to be connected with rogue linguists somehow affiliated with Eastern Michigan University; we suspect that the Linguist List’s annual fund drive has this year met with rather too much munificence for their own good, and that an overabundance of foreign exchange in their burgeoning bank account is beginning to expose their latent hegemonic tendencies.

But it is not only the managing editor who is faced with a plethora of challenging logistical time sinks. I myself, in my capacity as “reader of the manuscripts of dubious quality,” have recently been inundated by a veritable flood of poorly-written manuscripts. Though it pains me deeply, I have in the past two months alone been compelled to reject out of hand substandard (read: not funny) submissions by such luminaria as Campbell, Newmeyer, Bybee, Zwicky, Matisoff, Uriagereka, and Pinker. We are not sure why the rate of submissions has increased so dramatically of late, but we do wish that the quality were not so patently inversely related to the fame of the submitter. Please, won’t some well-known linguist break out of this horrifying downward spiral, and submit something we can actually print????

In closing, let me point out that this issue is chock-full of tantalizing linguistic bits. In stark contrast to the issue before last, in which Pulju (or his agent) inexplicably and viciously attacked my grandmother, Kenoshania Winnipesaukee Slater III (whom he also mistakenly referred to as “a meek man”), the present issue is a celebration only of what is good in the field today. Happy reading!

Nexion Shades of Grey by Piotr Pablo Paulsen

As Mssr. Slater has correctly stated, the editorial staff is always abuzz with editorial activity, though right now more so than ever. As such, it has fallen to me to make a few announcements.

We at Speculative Grammarian honor all of our commitments, even those to the Linguist List, despite their apparent belligerent actions in recent months. Thus, we are honored to have the esteemed Terry Langendoen as a Guest Editor for this issue. Dr. Langendoen was awarded the SpecGram Prize Pack by the Linguist List team for his contributions to the aforementioned fund drive. After last issue’s debacle, in which our Guest Editor felt her duties had become unnecessarily onerous, Dr. Langendoen’s role for this issue is largely ceremonial.

In other news, we at SpecGram are excited to feature in this issue linguistically inspired artwork from the “Shades of Grey” series, by famous linguistic performance artist, Piotr Pablo Paulsen of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Those readers not properly acquainted with Mssr. Paulsen can read about his previous exploits in Volume CLI, Number 1 of this journal.

	Letters to the Editor
	SpecGram Vol CLI, No 4 Contents