Collateral Descendant of Lingua Pranca Contents Introduction


The articles in this volume, like those that came before, are meant to be tongue-in-cheek and therefore should not be taken as attacks on any individual or group of individuals in linguistics or any other line of work, except maybe the documentary linguists and sociolinguists.1

This anthology uses the name Lingua Pranca and associated indicia with the express permission of the original editors of same.4 However, neither the original Lingua Pranca editors nor the current Collateral Descendant editors offer any guarantees, expressed or implied, as to the quality or quantity of the satirical and parodical content of this anthology, or its fitness for any purpose or use.

The reader assumes all direct and incidental responsibility and liability associated with the use of this anthology. Such use may induce drowsiness, insomnia, existential ennui, mid-life crises, stress-incontinence–associated laughter, crying, and the production of nasal-ingressive voiceless velar trills. In rare cases, hemorrhagic fever has been reported.5

Contents under pressure. Do not puncture or incinerate.6 Use of this product constitutes agreement to these terms. Failure to comply with or abide by these terms constitutes a breach of contract, which is punishable by a fine up to $250,000 or a prison sentence up to 10 years, or both. By reading this sentence, you give up all rights to pretty much everything. Send us all your money now.

1 Just kidding!2 documentary linguists are beginning to replace sociolinguists as the whipping boys and girls of satirical linguistics, but we only kid because we care!

2 Recent research (see for example, Dysart, Earl oF., “How much do they really know?”, Footnotes Quarterly 42.3, p.36-41) has shown that most socio- and documentary linguists can’t or won’t follow recursive footnotes, can’t or won’t read past lengthy in-line citations, and can’t or won’t understand recursion2. So, we actually do mean it.3

3 Except in Swaziland, Texas, Uzbekistan, Paraguay, Idaho, Djibouti, and where otherwise prohibited by law.

4 Though we have considered the possibility that they only gave us permission to make us stop robo-calling, spam-emailing, and auto-telegramming them. Whatever gets the job done!

5 But only in socio- and documentary linguists.

6 Except in the case of bloviating gas bags; those may be skewered or burned at will.

Collateral Descendant of Lingua Pranca Contents