The Splendid Words
by James S. Pasto, January 2019

The tale of a man obsessed, driven by a hunger and thirst to uncover—he knows not what! Far past reason, he has hunted and hated, been haunted and humiliated. Now his search has borne fruit—discover whether it is bitter or sweet! Available to read online.

The History of Rome
by Tim Pulju July 2018

Speculative Grammarian Press is branching out into History! Just a little bit. Are you looking for a book about ancient Roman history that’s interesting, informative, and amusing? No? Oh. Well, all the same, we’d like to recommend that you buy Tim Pulju’s The History of Rome. Easy to read, full of genuine historical facts, and adorned with amateurish hand-drawn pictures, The History of Rome is so good that even Girolamo Savonarola might hesitate to cast it into the flames. And best of all, it’s only $6.99! Buy one now!

Q Continuum Reaches Solomon Islands
by Brenda H. Boerger, December 2017

A thorough, sweeping, intellectually daring account of the long-term interaction and long-term effects of the Q Continuum on the languages of Solomon Islands—based on the Star Trek documentary films and television series. Available to read online.

The Perplexed Linguist’s Guide to English Departments
by Athanasious Schadenpoodle, November 2017

The inimitable Athanasious Schadenpoodle has prepared a unique guide that will have you on the road to the power and the glory of understanding and acceptance in your new milieu as a linguist in an English department. May your desk be in a room with a view—and may the odds be ever in your favor! Available to read online.

Pseudo-Psiblings™—And Other Views of Multiply-Blended Families
by Trey Jones
and
On Pseudo-Psiblings—A Good Start in Need of Significant Linguistic Improvements Which We Have Undertaken and Are Here to Report On
by Fillastre Pèl-Roig, Belle-Fille Rousse, Hijastro Pelirrojo, Rauðaz Khæran Steupa-Kiltham, Rotkopf Stiefkind, Punatukkainen Tytärpuoli, and Vörös Hajú Mostohagyerek, April 2017

Language evolves—otherwise we’d all be able to read Beowulf in the original, right? Sometimes language changes in response to cultural changes. But sometimes it doesn’t change fast enough to keep up with cultural changes. The first paper seeks to give English a little push in a much-needed direction. The second attempts to redirect that bush into an even more useful direction. Available to read online.

The Texas World Cultural Festival and Poetry Recitation Competition
by Damian Grammatical, October 2016

In October of 2014, the Texas World Cultural Festival and Poetry Recitation Competition was held in Corsicana, Texas. Unbeknownst to the participants, it was the very last time the competition would ever be held. We have chosen to celebrate the Texas World Cultural Festival and Poetry Recitation Competition—which inarguably reached its poetic apex during its final outing. Available to read online.

Towards a Detailed Biochemistry of Innate Mental Structures: Consequences of an OT Approach to the Contemporary Novel
by Mongo Yalbag, March 2016

Mongo Yalbag—the epitome of low-quantity/high-quality contributoriality—has done it again. He is tirelessly trailblazing, thanklessly trendsetting, and unabashedly edgecutting. His truculently interdisciplinary approach to academics enthusiastically exhibits his extravagantly exorbitant erudition, and sharply showcases his signature idiosyncratically acerbic esprit. Available to read online.

Strangecraft
by Mikael Thompson, July 2014

Strangecraft is a slow-burning novel-length weird tale, a detailed, personal story told against a stygian, cosmic-scale backdrop. The narrator wends his way through the wilds of post-Subsidence New England in search of an advanced degree in linguistics, but both he and the reader find considerably more than they bargained for in and around the environs of the Miskatonic Institute of Technology, as numerous dire secrets are unearthed, entrusted, or mislaid. Available to read online for free, or as a PDF that you can load on your favorite e-reader—regular and large print versions are available—for the nominal price of $3.50; available from Gumroad.

The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics
by Trey Jones, Keith W. Slater, Bill Spruiell, Tim Pulju, and David J. Peterson, July 2013

For decades, Speculative Grammarian has been the premier scholarly journal featuring research in the neglected field of satirical linguistics—and now it is available in book form—both physical and electronic! You can read more about the book, or order a physical copy from Amazon ($12.99 or less—check the book description page for links to Amazon Europe and Canada), or a high-resolution PDF version for your e-reader from Gumroad ($5.95 or less). Over 350 pages!

The Far Side of the Real
allegedly by Paul Cain, July 2013

The novella The Far Side of the Real tells a story only it can tell—a story of academic intrigue, featuring hard-nosed, hard-hitting, hard-drinking detective’s detective Studd Guntersied, dark dreams, and dark steam tunnels—with a side of badger and marmot for good measure. Available to read online.

Why Princes are not Scribes, and the Rat Eats Grain
by Solvi T. Perverbum, April 2012

The epic mythological quality of this monograph’s narrative is enough to qualify this tale as great world literature, but the subtle linguistic insights of the text provide a window into the collective mind of the Kenduzandi and how they once stood in cultural and linguistic contrast to their contemporaries. Available to read online.

On Variation Under Earthlings
by Churles R. Darewin, April 2012

This is a grand moment in the history of philology. That gets said fairly often around the SpecGram offices, but this time it is true. A groundbreaking essay—written in 1859 at the University of Edinburgh by sophomore philology student Churles R. Darewin in partial fulfillment of the requirements of a Bachelors of Arts degree—has been accidentally discovered in a dusty old cabinet by the British Philological Survey after being lost for over 150 years. Available to read online.

Acquiring Isolation—The Peculiar Case of Ghwǘǜb
by Tashel M. Kaithe and Valencia R. O’Shaughnessy, August 2010

This monograph continues a long and proud tradition of anthropological and semi-anthropological linguistic treatises in the pages of SpecGram. The torch has been carried by such luminaries as Sir Edmund C. Gladstone-Chamberlain, Claude Searsplainpockets, Merritt Greenberg and Joseph Ruhlen, Metalleus, and many others. In their impressive work of scholarship, “Acquiring Isolation: The Peculiar Case of Ghwǘǜb,” Tashel M. Kaithe and Valencia R. O’Shaughnessy pick up that torch, twirl it around, and even juggle it back and forth over their heads, giving our readers a show like none they have ever seen. Available to read online.

A Primer in SF Xenolinguistics
by Justin B. Rye, August 2010

This fascinating monograph provides a clever and thought-provoking overview of the topic its title refers to. Available to read online.

Survey of Linguistic Evidence of Meta-Consciousness in Tier-19 Terran Primates
by Cëŏjpruustcrêrt êe Âgriüsturttâiy Fuördrêost­sklan­öukklėû Růŕsk­ramnnu­ũrgciwä and Ëø Daerl stiic Uasŝăź swerz Ê, January 2009

Since establishing a permanent connection to the intergalactic communication network, we have intercepted and decoded many arguments and counter-arguments concerning what to do about the “Human Problem”—ranging from granting earth protected status in isolation as a “living museum”, to total destruction of the earth to make way for a “hyperspace bypass to nowhere”. This monograph—partially translated and transliterated in AutoGrammatikon Normal Form III.37—is primarily linguistic, but it covers the main arguments in other fields concerning the sentience level—and hence intergalactic legal standing—of humans. Available to read online.

A Short History of American Linguistics
by Tim Pulju, October 2008

Seventeen years ago, a brave, young, relatively unknown linguist dared to stand up and speak the truth about the state of linguistics at the time. He spoke with eloquence and force, passion and dignity, about a traditional discipline, an emerging science, an intellectual art form that was precious beyond words, but endangered by an academic thought police who sought to control the very fabric of all linguistic discourse. His rhetoric soared to the heavens. His criticisms stung like needles of ice. His truth, the truth, laid bare, was too beautifully cruel to look upon. Available to read online.

Modern and Historical Graphical Representations of Structural Relationships in Spoken and Written English Sentential Utterances
by Nattapoŋ Yunloŋ Seuŋyoŋ, December 2007

This monograph represents the bleeding edge of an emerging trend in linguistic academia: the micro-dissertation. Young scholar and rising star Nattapoŋ Yunloŋ Seuŋyoŋ has blazed a trail that many future linguists are likely to follow. Rather than having slaved for the better part of a decade over a hellaciously detailed (read, boring) dissertation that no one, not even the relevant dissertation committee, will actually read, the newly minted Dr. Nattapoŋ has instead completed the dissertation requirments for the doctoral degree from l’École de SpecGram, Bouvetøya in just under six intense, fun-filled weeks, and in just under seven well-researched, readable pages. Available to read online.

Shigudo, Reluctantly
by Sir Edmund C. Gladstone-Chamberlain, December 2006

We are honored to publish Professor Gladstone-Chamberlain’s monograph, which he has informed us he could not and would not have entrusted to a lesser institution—for who else would have taken the care to make sure this decades-spanning story was properly told? It is a story of friendship, scholarship, and steam ships, reaching across the gulfs of culture, language, and anthropological fieldwork to unite these good men in their quest for the unfettered linguistic truth. It is a tale of clever analyses in the field, bitter fear in academia, and, ultimately, prevailing against the globe-spanning odds through perseverance, pluck, and more perseverance. Available to read online.

On the Necessity of a Tri-Branching Corpse
by Tirizdi, September 2006

This fascinating mongraph was originally written by the generally unknown but astute philosopher Tirizdi, and carefully translated by the eminent scholar Quentin Popinjay Snodgrass, Ph.D. The sum of these portentous parts epiphenominalizes a deeply thoughtful meditation on—and a subtle but sincere celebration of—language and culture, cultural linguistics, and anthropological translation. Available to read online.

Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics
by Trey Jones, November 2005

As a service to our young and impressionable readers who are considering pursuing a career in linguistics, Speculative Grammarian is pleased to provide the following Gedanken­experiment to help you understand the possibilities and consequences of doing so. For our old and bitter readers who are too far along in their careers to have any real hope of changing the eventual outcome, we provide the following as a cruel reminder of what might have been. Available to read online.