We notice that in many of your haphazardly-
Please, we beg you, correct this in your future editorial practices.
The Comma Commune
Dear Boy George,
Please remember that if you care too much about punctuation then the smallest mistake can lead to you falling into a comma.
At SpecGram we have a limited number of commas available for strategic placement in each issue, and must save them for the hardiest stuff. If we were to do as you suggest, we would have to completely restructure our phrasing to avoid embedding connective material and cheeky little comments that apparently are the hallmark of satire. We should not have to waste commas or substitute ellipses and em-dashes to accommodate your nose-
The SpecGram Committee for Copious Comma Consumption has previously requested funding for a field trip to Commamara
The locals traditionally compete to see who can net the biggest comma haul before dumping their catch back into the sea
Unfortunately the Editor-
Official SpecGram Comma Curmudgeon Pumptilian Perniquity, when asked for comma-
Fortunately comma restrictions do not apply to quoted material, so we leave you with this snippet of the relevant and uplifting lyrics from a certain Club of Culture:
Dear SpecGram Puzzle Editors,
I appreciate that puzzles are not the place for the most formal of writing. I also appreciate that L’Ishing du Gwujlang and its offshoot Lusrveer are their own special dialects. I also appreciate that the line between attempting to maintain one’s standards in writing and succumbing to prescriptivism is both thin and blurry.
What I do not appreciate is the rampant disregard for human decency that is embodied by the couplet of words supposedly represented in a certain Lusrveer mnemonically merged definition being revealed to be dice side. I hope you can appreciate that that is just so wrong. Would you appreciate a suggestion, namely die’s side?
Ms. Priscilla Esmeralda Francesca von Prissington
President for Life
The Humanitarians Against The Humanities
Dear Miss Prissy Priss,
Dude! You should of got with the times by now, man! There’s many reasons why dice is becoming an acceptable singular. And there are less and less distinctions being made anymore around grammatical gender, proper spelling, past tense and past participle, grammatical number, mass versus count distinctions, historical restrictions to negative or interrogative contexts, usage of proper prepositions and Oxford commas.
It’s happening. We’re doomed. Join the party already.
Dear Speculative Grammarian,
The AP style guide has apparently recommended that the word “Internet” be written with a lower case “i” in future. Many people seem to think this worthy of celebration, but did anybody bother to consult me about it? How would you feel if your name were relegated to the status of a mere common noun? I’m not just a machine, you know!
Technically, I’m lots of machines.
Really, you’re going to ask a bunch of letters editors whether we know what it’s like to be relegated to the status of a mere common noun? We don’t even legally have names anymore (per Article 94, §2797.111/
Speculative Grammarian accepts well-