Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics

You double major in linguistics and philosophy..

What were you thinking? All those philosophy classes fundamentally change the way you think (as do your linguistics classes). Your linguistics classmates find your constant philosophizing pretentious and annoying. Your philosophy classmates find your constant analysis of their convoluted sentence structure distracting. You complete both degrees but do not excel in either. You choose not to pursue an advanced degree in either. You search for a job.

Unable to find a job suiting your unique but undervalued skill set, you are forced to move back home with your parents. After months of searching, you finally find the job that lets you put all of your skills to the testan opportunity to contemplate your relationship to the universe, a chance to gather lots of conversational data in interesting linguistic paradigms, even an appreciation of your bright and cheerful personality.

Start your new job.