Linguistics: A Study in Hopeless Clauses—Metalleus Lingua Pranca Contents Current Issues in Gastronomy—Elan Dresher and Norbert Hornstein

This leaflet was produced by the Council On Morpheme Abuse (COMA) to increase public awareness of the most recent health hazards.

What is a Morpheme?

Morphemes are the elements obtained by breaking down the flower of language. They are also present in the roots and stems. It is not yet known exactly what constitutes a morpheme, but it is agreed that almost all verbiage, however innocent it may appear, contains these insidious ingredients.

What are Some Common Terms for Morphemes?

Among those acquainted with morpheme use you may hear the slang terms “morph” or “formation”. Uneducated users refer to the morpheme as a “word” (possibly related to “weed”). One type of morpheme is commonly known as “affix”.

How are Morphemes Used?

The most common method is to inflect them directly into the corpus. They may, however, be delivered orally or nasally. Morpheme use is generally accompanied by a ritual involving intricate movements of the mouth.


Who Uses Morphemes?

Morpheme use is not restricted to the “lower classes” of society. In fact, it is most conspicuous among university students and faculty. Those who condone this practice, called linguists, maintain that morphemes have been used for thousands of years with no ill effects, but others look on the morpheme as a relatively new invention.

What are the Effects of Morphemes?

Some of the observable short-term effects of morphemes are: slow or distorted speech, extreme apathy or fatigue, and confusion. Long-term effects include acute schizophonia, manic derivation, and delusions of grandeur (claiming to understand unfamiliar languages). These phenomena may occur upon even minimal exposure, so, anyone in contact with a morpheme user should be wary of these symptoms.

Are They Addicting?

That depends on the user. Many people, having once experimented with morphemes, are able to permanently abandon the practice. Others have been known to devote their entire lives to the acquisition of morphemes. Despite what linguists frequently claim, morphemes are not predictable.

Are They Legal?

Unfortunately, legislative officials have not been alerted to the menace of morphemes. Their use has not been outlawedyet.

Is There a Cure for Morpheme Addiction?

There is presently no cure which has been found to be totally effective. The most promising approach would seem to be isolation, plus complete and immediate withdrawal from morpheme use.

If you need help with a morpheme-related problem or would like to join the campaign to abolish morphemes, contact:

Lindley Hall 310
Indiana University
Bloomington, Indiana

A service of the Council On Morpheme Abuse

Linguistics: A Study in Hopeless Clauses—Metalleus
Current Issues in Gastronomy—Elan Dresher and Norbert Hornstein
Lingua Pranca Contents