The Library of
Never-Written Books,
Part II
compiled by
Beebly O’Gnost &
Libby R. Arian
Bibliothēca Obscūra, Novigrad
For the amusement of the readers of Speculative Grammarian, we have compiled a list of the many non-existent, never-written linguistics and linguistics-adjacent books that our patrons have tried to borrow, put on hold, or acquire through interlibrary loan. (See also, Part I.)
We’re not sure what this peek into the collective unconscious of academics and scholars of language says about them—whether these titles are tomes half-forgotten or pranks they fell for—but it must be something deep.
- Lessons in Phonetics From My Fair Lady
- The Prescriptivists’ Guide to Not Being Classist, Racist, or Just Wrong
- A Field Study of Toilet Phonetics
- Modern Gang Semiotics and Their Use in Ballet
- Politeness Theory: You Know Where You Can Shove It
- Modern Philology
- Practical Onomastics
- An Abridged History of the English Language, Vol. 37—Erosion of the Declension System in Late Old English: Masculine Nouns
- Women, Fire, and Dangerous Things: Arsonists’ Cant in Women’s Prisons
- Children’s Generative Linguistics Series Book 12: Syntax for Kids—Noam Climbs a Syntax Tree
- Children’s Generative Linguistics Series Book 71: Noam and Morris Make Sound Patterns in English
- Children’s Generative Linguistics Series Book 89: Mark C Baker Travels Around North America and Comes Back With Some Really Long Words
- The Pragmatics of Homo Habilis: A Transcription-Based Approach
- Children’s General Linguistics Series: Book 3: Ferdinand Learns to Make Signs
- Children’s General Linguistics Series: Book 4: Ferdinand Puts His Signs in Order
- Children’s Phonology Series: Book 23: Roman and Prince Nikolai Speak on the Phone in Prague
- The Big Book of Things All Linguists Agree On
- What Words Are
- What Is Is
- Aspects of Aspect
- The Sentence in a Sentence
- Five Kinds of Clause in Five Simple Clauses
- The Can, Could, Should Might and Must of Modal Verbs
- Tenses: Their Past, Present and Future
- Five Diachronic Causes of Five Synchronic Causatives in Five Dialects of the Caucasus
- Making Ergatives Work for You
- Subjects. Objectively.
- Objects: Direct and Indirect Explanations
- The Oblique Case: An Honest Account
- Variation in Various Varieties by a Variety of Variationists
- Approaching Pragmatics Pragmatically
- Meaningful Semantics
- Linguistic Theory for Language Teachers Vol XXXIV: A Socio-Culturally Motivated Meta-Theory of the Affordances of Translanguaging in Written Controlled Practice Group Exercises for Weather-Related Lexical Items (Visual Learners Focus)
- Teaching Cornish as a Second Language (Uzbek Edition)
- The Passive Voice Has Been Shown to Be Fine
- Why We Don’t Need Any More Funding
- Let Alone ‘Let Alone’: A Meta-Analysis of Fillmore, Kay and O’Connor (1988)
- Speed Up Your Infant’s First Language Acquisition With Graded Weight-Training Exercises
- The Big Friendly Gerund
- Charlie and the Wug Factory
- Poverty of the Stimulus in First Language Acquisition and How to Achieve It
- Learn Like an Infant: Purposeful Impoverishment of Stimulus for More Effective L2 Acquisition
- Cambridge Biographies of Major Syntacticians: Vol 1. Ian Maddieson
- William Safire’s Philosophy of Language
- John Simon’s Greatest Essays on Sociolinguistics
- Saving Language From the Hoi Polloi: Why Children Should Be Seen and Not Heard
- 101 Reasons Why English Is a Bad Starting Point for Theoretical Linguistics
- More in the Roald Dahl Series ...
- The Wh-Itches
- Ma-Tilde (Spanish Translation)
- Chomsky and the Syntax Factory
- Chomsky and the Great Glass Elevator Which Magically Moves Things Upward Wherever You Want Them to Go
- James [D. McCawley] and the Giant PhD [on the Accentual System of Modern Standard Japanese]
- Contemporary Studies in Spectator Sports, Vol. 1, the Spectacle of the Empty Spectacle: Watching Mongolian Contortionism, Studying Critical Theory, Reading Syntax
- Eats, Shoots & Believes: The Religiosity of NRA Discourse
