A Compendium
of Preferred
Grammatical Inflections
Across Select
Demographic Cohorts
by Declan Tchinovsky and
Mairead O’Bleek
This preliminary investigation seeks to illuminate the hitherto neglected nexus between sociocultural typologies and grammatical case preference. Although empirical rigor was judiciously avoided, the ensuing correlations are presented with the full solemnity they are worthy of.
- What is an exorcist’s favorite case? The possessive.
- What was Antonio Ruiz de Montoya’s favorite case? The ablutive.
- What is a hypochondriac’s favorite case? The illative.
- What was Émile Zola’s favorite case? The accusative.
- What was Pope Gregory XIII’s favorite case? The dative.
- What is a unit of energy’s favorite case? The ergative.
- Sherlock Holmes loved Finnish because it had so many cases.
- The fitness coach’s favorite case: the absandglutsitive.
- What is the logical positivists’ favorite case? The objective.
- The queen’s favorite case: The genteelitive.
- What is Sean Connery’s Bond’s favorite case (of diamonds)? Tiffany Case.
- What is an extrovert’s favorite case? The sociative.
- Or have you heard of the methodico-systematic morpho-syntacticians who studied language one case at a time?
- You must have heard of the inebriated morphologists who drank wine by the case?
- What was Snow White’s favorite case? The gnominative.
- What is an archeologist’s favorite case? Encased (in rock).
- What is an American football player’s favorite case? The prolative.
- What was Harry Truman’s favorite case? The S-ive.
- What was Adam and Eve’s favorite case? The Genesive.
- What was St Hildegard’s favorite case? Abbessive.
- What is Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster’s favorite case? The superessive.
- What is a 13th-century Dutchman’s favorite case? Gouda.
- What is a coffee drinker’s favorite case? Upper.
- What is a Cleveland-based Romance-language researcher’s favorite case? Western Reserve.
- What was Ludwig van Beethoven’s favorite case? The instrumental.
- What is the best case for giving a highly indirect answer? The oblique case.
- The priest’s favorite case: the absolvative.
- What is an old-school cgi-bin author’s favorite case? The perlative.
- What is a divorce lawyer’s favorite case? The separative.
- What is the favorite case of certain teenage girls? The Justin case.
- The Minecraft player’s favorite case: the blockative.
- What’s 007’s favorite case (but don’t tell anyone)? The secret agentive case.
- What is an editor’s favorite case? Brief.
- What is Bella and Samuel Spewack’s favorite case? Kiss me, case.
- What’s the most used case on Tinder? The dative.
Can we Finnish this now?
