SpecGram Dictionary of the Linguistics of Mythological Beasts—Volume 87: The Werewolf—Val Kiri SpecGram Vol CXCII, No 1 Contents Linguistics, The Study of Linguists: An Overview—Anna Grimsdóttir, PhD

An Assassin’s Alphabet

Mona Whit & Ethan Macht
Linguistic Liquidators, Ltd.

Not much is known about the Assembly of Argotic Assassins (AAA)—a shadowy organization that can “eliminate terminological threats” and offers “dirty discourse deeds, done dirt cheap”—and they generally like it that way. However, as the result of a recent “hostile acquisition” attempt and “counter-liquidation” event,† we have come into possession of an AAA Aspirant Apprentice Assassin’s crib sheet for “An Assassin’s Alphabet”, presented below.

An Assassin’s Alphabet
A   as in   stoically
B   as in   subtle
C   as in   indict
D   as in   handkerchief
E   as in   vineyard
F   as in   arfvedsonite
G   as in   slaughter
H   as in   dishonest
I   as in   business
J   as in   marijuana
K   as in   knife
L   as in   stalker
M   as in   mnemonic
N   as in   condemn
O   as in   jeopardy
P   as in   coup
Q   as in   racquet
R   as in   dossier
S   as in   debris
T   as in   ricochet
U   as in   disguise
V   as in   covfefe‡
W   as in   sword
X   as in   faux
Y   as in   beyond
Z   as in   rendezvous

Based on another document “acquired” during our “counter-liquidation” event, it seems that targets for “hostile acquisition” can be silently hidden in plain sight using the Assassin’s Alphabet. For example, the “hostile acquisition” attempt against SpecGram seems to have been encoded thusly:

Much debris from the coup remains in the vineyard. History will indict such slaughter! I have memorized the dossier, stoically, using many mnemonics.

Also of note: during our “enhanced fieldwork session” prior to the Aspirant Apprentice Assassin’s “counter-liquidation” event, our informant swore at us quite vociferously. However, keeping with the AAA’s theme of silent letters, the only curse word she uttered was the ʔ-word.


† We at Linguistic Liquidators, Ltd, were hired by the Editorial Board of Speculative Grammarian to provide “philologistical support” at SpecGram Towers during the suspected period of the “hostile acquisition” attempt.

‡ Our Historical Philology Analysts have, unfortunately, been unable to reliably date this manuscript relative to the well-known first public use of covfefe.‡† Thus, it is unclear whether the Assassin’s Alphabet incorporated covfefe after said public use—given that silent-v words are hard to come by in English—or whether its public use was indeed as intended—and “a small group of people know exactly what [it] meant”.

‡† A deep records search by Linguistic Liquidators’ Library Dwarves has, however, uncovered a very early use of covfeffe—a likely probable possible precursor of covfefe—in the 1633 tome, “Nicetas OR THETRIVMPH ouer INCONTINENCIE. Written in Latin by. F. Hier.Drexelius of theSociety of IESVS. AND Tranflated into Englifh by. R.S.”

An image of the relevant excerpt is provided below, along with a high-quality (i.e., very expensive) transcription.


This foule, as noẇ come fıom ıhe łower bel,
Retir’d againe iṅto ḃer eaıthly cel,
Is ftil the fame, as filent as bєfore,
Confeß’d fmal fınnes,but would covfeffe no more
Yєt had three houers giuen. O precıous time!
One teare at leaft for enery mortal crime:
One aƐt of forrow. Qh ! in time begm.
Take bat the croffe ïnto thy hand ( quoth they)
A holẏ taþer. She would not obey.

SpecGram Dictionary of the Linguistics of Mythological Beasts—Volume 87: The Werewolf—Val Kiri
Linguistics, The Study of Linguists: An Overview—Anna Grimsdóttir, PhD
SpecGram Vol CXCII, No 1 Contents