Per my last email
Regarding my only request
I’ve told you again and again
Of an issue you refuse to address
Someone has jammed the copier
They’ve buttered up the desks
The slathering is getting sloppier
In this issue you refuse to address
My readings are quite oily
And I am not terribly pleased
I’ve tried to word this coyly
But by now that must be ceased
This someone has redone the copy room
They’ve made it quite yellow and red
They’ve ruined all my papers
And yet, they’ve left no bread!
There once was a well-written paper
That scholars and experts would pay for
But yours isn’t one
In fact, it’s no fun
So revise it and send it back later.
—Col. O. Nihilist
In considering your short submission,
The reviewer has made this admission:
“Though the writing style’s great
And the font is first rate
The content deserves full omission.”
—Morris Swadesh III
The publishing game can be farcical;
And appears oligarco-monarchical.
It takes years’ work, non-stop
To get to the top
Of the publishing-ladder hierarchical.
The solution: go reading fanatical
And adopt a perspective piratical:
Take others’ insights
And simply re-write!
In a phrase, my good friend, simply nick it all.
—Hellbuster McMarcion IV
(with the assistance of Irene Bliffle-K’Taargh
of Schoofenberry Land)
A sad lexicographer spoke:
“Philology isn’t a joke.
The wretched phenomenon
Of hapax legomenon
Can send years of work up in smoke.”
Asking for Tenure
(To the tune of
is Falling Down)
Here’s me asking for tenure
Here’s me asking for tenure, oh committee.
Tenure? No! Just penury,
Tenure? No! Just penury. What a pity!
—Jonathan & Deak