University News SpecGram Vol CLXXXVI, No 2 Contents The Ballad of Three-Tongued Ted—Onfor Anwyth

Book ६९

Derek Bickerton
Argued and bickered on
’Bout creole and pidgin,
As though ’twas his religion.
—Clara Hu

Linguists’ articles are bad, that’s for sure;
Technical writing just has no allure.
How to write up your stuff
Without pretentious fluff?
Linguimerickicization’s the cure.
—Morris Swadesh III

‘The head of the sentence is I’?
Asked the student with wide open eye
‘But why not the predicate?
Enough with this headache! It
Just makes me think why do I try?
—William Deaksworth

It’s known dogs are insipid and dumb,
And that cats are deceitful and numb,
Yet we treat some as high-bred
Who act worse than a hybrid
Of both beasts​ in the scholarly scrum.​
—Pumptilian Perniquity

Your hard drive crashes
As you email the paper
Editor shrugging.
—Col. O. Nihilist

Ah! the pleasures (hmmm!) of academia
Are enough to induce hypoxemia;
Both labyrinthine
And dull most of the time
I need something creami- and steamier
—TJ Hartley

For the best of phonetical thrills—
Which includes hexilabial trills,
Or tenticular taps,
Or quadripterous flaps—
Good linguistic sci-fi fits the bill.
—α-Betty Abū Gida

At the LSA
There once was a linguist, Alessi,
With argumentation so messy,
She should have recanted
Or red wine decanted,
But talked until all eyes turned glassy.
—Brennon Adnerb

University News
The Ballad of Three-Tongued TedOnfor Anwyth
SpecGram Vol CLXXXVI, No 2 Contents